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I need advice

I thinking about trying to start with HRT earlier than I previously planned. My plan was to start transitioning after I become financially independant but when I think about that it would take at least 5 years until I start taking hormones but 6 years looks more realistic. Not sure that I can wait that long. This options isn't out of the question because it may actually be the best one but I'm not so sure about it anymore.

Main problem is that I really want to be feminine but my musculine body is getting in my way all the time, no matter how feminine I feel from some things my body still brings dysphoria. I can't feel like myself because of it.

I searched for stories of trans women from my country to get more information about the way trans women are treated here and it looks like situation is better than I tought, coming out might not be as bad as I expected. From what I heard even older people in rural areas were supportive of trans women.

When I look at my situation only person I could come out is my mother if I approach the conversation in a right way. I know that it would be hard for her, but if I explain to her what being trans actually means and how I feel about myself she might come around it. Not really sure what's the best way to do it. I can try giving some resources to her but that wouldn't be that easy because she knows only 1 language and it's not english. Connecting her with other parents of trans girls could also work. Also, I'm not sure is it good idea to don't force her on using different pronouns and name at first to make things a bit easier for her.

One important note is that even if I decide to come out that won't be now because I'm not ready for it yet, I would wait for some time (not too long thou).

Reason why I'm talking about coming out here is because doing that first would make medical transition easier. In my country, gender affirming care is only available in capital. Since I'm 18 going there isn't really a problem but the fact that it would mean going there often and I don't do that normally is a problem. If I started seeing a therapist my parents would quickly think that something is odd basically forcing me to come out, that would be much worse than coming out when I'm ready. I'm still considering starting without anyone knowing but in that case I would quickly come out to avoid worst case scenario.

Basically, I'm not sure how to go with this. Should I wait? Should I come out (and how)? Or should I start in secret and come out quickly after that?

In case it matters, gender affirming care in my country includes seeing a psychiatrist for at least a year, after that you start with hormones and after 1 year of hormones and more talking with psychiatrist you can do SRS. After SRS you can change gender marker and name (you can't change musculine name to feminine one before SRS).

  • I obviously can't speak to your particular circumstances or the risks involved in remaining closeted and hiding your HRT, etc.

    What I can say is that I wish I had transitioned much earlier, and that life without HRT left me with serious mental issues that weren't resolved until I started HRT. A lot of masculine features didn't show up until my mid to late 20s.

    Different people respond differently to HRT, so my experiences may not match yours, but I seriously underestimated the biochemical and cognitive impact HRT would have.

    Waiting 5 - 6 years seems insane to me, and HRT takes time to cause changes. Starting while still young will have significant impact on your development for the rest of your life, even starting at 18 compared to your mid-20s is a huge difference in my opinion.

    If I were you, if it were at all possible I would choose to start HRT as soon as possible, but that's a highly contingent statement based on my narrow set of experiences. Starting HRT can be its own stress and not having the space to accommodate that in your life may or may not work. Looking back, I tried to come out of the closet and transition over and over in my life, and it wasn't until I was much, much older with a stable career and home life that I was finally able to accommodate transitioning. Still, I wish I could have started HRT when I was 18, or 16, or 13. I wish I could have avoided the failed suicide attempts, the self-harm, the crippling depression, the anxiety. There was so, so much suffering I had no idea was being caused by going through the wrong puberty, and I still can hardly believe the way I feel with injections of estradiol. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. It's like asking if you should start injecting insulin as a diabetic, it seems like the only answer is yes. Still, I know it's more complicated than that.

    Consider educating yourself on transfeminine HRT and sourcing hormones on the grey-market if possible. Even if you are able to see a doctor and go through official means, educating yourself is important as doctors won't know much about how to treat trans patients. The DIY route might also save you from the potential of being outed by going through official channels (bills, paperwork, etc. can easily end up going to your parents if you live with them, etc.).

    Be smart, prioritize independence. Save up money, be safe, and take care of yourself.

    I wish you luck my sister.