Speaking of trombones, the new renters across the street from me are professional trombone players - like MSO and stuff. They have the grace to do their practicing during the day fortunately.
You would enjoy The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce I think. One definition that has stuck with me - Pianoforte: a parlour instrument of torture. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.