complicated feelings
complicated feelings
This was originally posted as a comment under an image in 196,but due to the popularity of 196 I decided to move it to a (Hopefully) less federally public space, due to harassment concerns.
The image was a post saying,
I have so much love in my heart for trans girls like. girls girls girls literally omg youre a GIRL ISNT IT WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!! any girl who's been like wish was a girl" and then found out they actually ARE a girl is a precious jewel. I love girls
I love the idea of this, and I'm happy people can feel that way, but deep down inside me, I feel like I haven't "earned" the right to consider the possibility of calling myself a girl/woman.
People afab put up with so much shit and since I haven't felt that side of it it's like trying to be a part of a group that sees you as the enemy trying to act like one of them, you know? That may be extreme but I'm not good at words so that's the best way I can think to phrase the feeling.
Anyone else feel this way?
I will add that I have known and worked with several ftm trans people and don't really have the same feelings the other way around. Basically something "you seem like a dude as far as I can tell/am aware/concerned"
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Trans women are women. We suffer under patriarchy too, indirectly before we transition and directly after we do. We also suffer under cisgendernormativity throughout our whole lives.
We are not the enemies of women. We are women. Cisgender women and transgender women share female solidarity, and we are and always will be allied. Cisgender women and girls (and those perceived that way) are oppressed through patriarchy and misogyny their whole lives. But we suffer from it too. We should have solidarity for each other's lived experiences. Its the transphobic people who are trying to portray us as enemies. They are wrong. Any feminist, any enemy of patriarchy, understands how transphobia negatively affects cisgender men and women too.
I guess enemy was probably a poor choice of word(wording is hard). Somewhat like, I don't feel good enough, and I definitely don't look the part. On the physically masc - femme scale my body is like 99% masc
I don't suffer under the patriarchy
goes on to describe ways she suffers under the patriarchy
Is the butchest biker bull dyke who ever lived, a woman?
It's not about meeting some ideal before you can consider yourself a woman. We come in all shapes and sizes. You are not your body, you are your mind, which happens to have a body, which in at least some ways does not suit the mind that is you. Don't conflate the mutable meat Gundam you pilot, for your self.
Holy shit I think I can finally get it! Thank you, I feel like I've seen this idea in other words but it didn't quite hit in the same way.
That quoted bit, is that broadly rephrasing my comment? If so, I might need some more explanation.
Yeah, it would have been a lot harder to get the thing that succinctly. You talk about afab people putting up with shit and how you don't have the right to count yourself among them, but throughout this thread there were bits of explanation of how you have suffered because of expectations of womanhood that are patriarchal norms.
I see now. I was reading your comment just as a reply to the one immediately above it. I had not really considered some of this stress does eventually stem from the same patriarchal system. Wow! It makes complete sense. I think my therapist was driving at that idea at one point but didn't quite hear it that way. Ok, so I guess maybe I do relate to cis women a little bit 😅
I love your meat Gundam analogy. 😂 If my previous comment was not clear this is what finally clicked in my brain. It makes so much sense. It does feel like it's more relatable to anyone else who feels uncomfortable about whatever aspects of their meat Gundam, cis or not.
You not feeling good enough to be a woman because of your body is because of transmisogyny. Many cisgender women feel their bodies aren't worthy due to perceived physical masculinity.