It's been so long man. But damn I had to struggle, and I am at a better place now. Still a student, but I have grown a lot. Bless you for helping me at a vulnerable time. It still hurts sometime, but I know I have made a lot of progress in positive things.

Thanks. I'm feeling much better now but will still reply. I tried not to do those things as I was in a dark place and now have to channel my thoughts in a more productive way.. now focusing on family and development more, kind of forcing it. And it helped me a lot though it's far from a perfect journey. Try reading my other comment replies!

Thank you for the help brother. I recently had a short dream of her where she tried to be lovey dovey to me but I didn't show love, it's kinda weird but I think that says something lol. Also focusing on family:)

That's kind of how I felt; her reaction made it obvious that she was hiding it. It's especially hard to feel okay because I was raised to highly respect and value women and I started blaming myself more than I should have. Thank you brother. I have cut her off and feel better.

Thank you for the advice brother. I created as much distance i could, and used to think of contacting her again, but forced myself to stick to my decision. It feels like that part of my brain that once used to pulse with love is now turned off. Although I hadn't felt love in a long time in my relationship either. I focused on myself and did professional and personal development. I'm sure I am on the right path right now!

Thanks, it was hard to get every trace of her away from my phone, she had sent me 1700 pics. Gotta be more strict in the future.

Thank you. She used the friends card after I found out about her bf, only had mentioned being friends once without explanation many months prior. But I didn't think she'd be sending pics ot her behind to a friend, tbh.

she said "as a friend" only once, and dropped went back to calling me intimate names and sending intimate pics

Although I won't do LDR again, we had a genuine connection!

Thanks man! I know time will heal, but here I got some great input from other people like you about my relationship and life in general. I'm trying to take this "ending" in the most productive way possible. I'm over the emotional part but my post helped me learn what I did and didn't do wrong!

love doesn't make sense <3

Thank you. I agree, but at the same time I believe I could have received some clarification instead of her blaming her absence on depression. With her arbitrarily jumping from sending sexual pics to saying we were friends, perhaps I stayed too silent lol. Didn't place a clear boundary based on the "phase" she was going through, and I was too stupid to not clarify.

Thanks, but what do I even think about 😭 before I used to be obsessed with minor things such as random words and calculus problems, during my relationship I felt as if I had nothing to think about and I was fine with it. Now I have a lot of mental entropy. It's vacations so plenty of time to figure out, but man do I feel unproductive at times! Still often get reminded of her but now I am able to put her thought to the side at will.

I really like your perspective.

It must have worked out for her! But my takeaways are that I should give it time and have hobbies.

Trying 😭

Thank you. At this point we have 2 ESH, 2 NTA and 2 NAH so idk where we going lol.

She never clearly said that we are together, of course romantic terms implied that it was true. About over a month ago she sent me undeniably spicy pics too, making me believe further that we were together, and blamed her reduced talking on her depression so I thought we were together still.

I stayed there even when she emotionally checked out because I know depression is a tough phase and I made sure to express love and care daily to her. So I never really emotionally detached and didn't pick up the cues apparently, she does admit the relationship ended about a month ago but that she never said it then, only mentioned it months prior.

Hey thanks for the kind words although I have my fair share of negatives. Perhaps emotional connection is one of those negatives, that her bf is better at? But I knew I couldn't be with a girl with apparent second choices, even if it wasn't that way, and told her bf barely sufficient evidence of what was happening because bro code.

I have blocked her but have the bf in my contacts. I just left the conversation with him after letting him know that I existed (and learning that he existed). I may be open to talking to the guy, what should I ask him?

That first paragraph was a great explanation. Thank you for that perspective there.

It’s kind of weird that first relationships rarely do work out. It’s only the third day now so maybe I should let time do its thing. This will only make me stronger but this does make me afraid of having a relationship in the future! Will not touch any drugs, thanks.

Thank you brother. Am working on things you suggested, but right now I'm thinking as if there is no tomorrow in my life. Finding it weirdly hard to even think of tomorrow, not because I'm thinking of "her", I just get blanked out to my mundane life.

Thanks for the advice. Haven't ever tried to find my hobbies, so I'll get to work. Any suggestions?

Damn I have a good number of scars.. as I mentioned in another reply I don't want to be with someone just to deal with this. I want to have genuine connection, not push my issues to someone :) so I wanna wait till it happens not force it.