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SloppySol @lemm.ee
Posts 7
Comments 48
What is your personal definition of value?
  • I love you, I thank you, you help. I have recently come to accept I have a fear of anger. In general, especially my owns, and rooted in past fear of my father’s anger. Past understanding, just rage allowed.

    Anyways, here’s a scream I wrote he’s not ready for, and I can’t send for fear of misunderstanding and/or rage I know logically is missing key elements required.

    image of words

  • What is your personal definition of value?
  • I am sorry. In rereading, I see my self centeredness. Finally.

    I am not able to be professional in this, according to the top comment, I think. I will try still, in whatever ways I can, and maybe one day find a bridge to give me the space to explain my beliefs.

    I used to have strong beliefs, but therapy showed me the scars that I carry into every decision I make as anxiety unknown. I know now, at least.

    Words capture feelings that our stomach gurgles. I am sorry to not respond to you for so long, I try to communicate but the constant loop has changed direction and now every little bit is different and I need to hear all of it because I AM insane.

    IGNORE THE ABOVE^^^ except the sorry?

    I am grateful to you. I do not know you. But I am so glad to talk to you. I can’t stop feeling like a monster now.

    ANYWAYS, nimona on Netflix is a very beautiful movie. I cried 3 times now, watching it twice. If you’d like to be friends, I am always here. Anybody, right now, this is my username. It’s here as me. This post is me. If I get banned, this dies. I am glad to have had this post.

    Artificial intelligence is plateauing?

    The human population is reaching a necessity for culling. We will die. Artificial intelligence, global warming, and partial political dysfunction leading to totality of power? Totality of power already exists, political dysfunction will lead to riots we will never start or… what?

    Is there another side to this? Where will we be 10 years from now? Will health care still be tied into employment? Honestly, I need to look into how that helps a business and why. Will homes still be empty yet enough to house every homeless person more than twice over?

    Bureaucracy, deliberate consideration.

    I’m sorry. I am past drunk. I deserve every downvote and more. I’m just…. Crying. That’s all this is. Not poetry. Not any consistent logical progression or round trip, just… idea after idea, separate and lost but also pure in solitary conception.

    Asimov and Herbert both agree that humans would and will use artificial intellligence to commit genocide of the non-aristocratic. All of us peasantry. The question, in truth, is who will make the choice and why will they make their selection? What will their parameters be?

    There’s history, and there are generations of billions of humans that shaped it. Whyd they do it, what did they spread it into, and where are we now? What is it that provides the true future worth and value?

    I have Debian. I use i3. I love vim and shortcuts, and emacs. I wanted to learn nonstop, I got pretty good at emacs. Used it for about 10 months, laptop died and I got a desktop. I’m just a lazy piece of shit lol when it comes to that I guess. I lay down all the time. But that’s not living. I want to live.

    I am worthless. I am sorry. If I get banned now. I hereby accept it.

    I hope I’ve proven your description of poetic wrong by now haha

  • What is your personal definition of value?
  • Hope your hinges are stable and worth it, person. I am seeing a therapist, the only evolutionary imperative in life I see is to survive, the rest is what you choose. All I ask is what you choose, and how you measure the why of the what.

  • What is your personal definition of value?
  • I’m sorry. I can’t help but believe in naive hopes of understanding, of widespread passion that can be shared with at least, all people. Dogs love unconditionally, don’t they?

    Someday, I wish. Just trying to figure out how I can make it easier, up the chances maybe. But today you’re worth the money you make. Simple as that, so meanings don’t matter. Makes it easier to be individual, but… belief is supposed to be separate, right? Where’s love supposed to lead to?

    We’ve all got a voice inside, why can’t we just let them RUCKING TALK TO EACHOTHER? Is that really so insane? Fine, go fucking support your stupid fucking circlejerk communities and vote for trump or refuse to vote at all for the sake of your pop media interpretation of Palestine. Genocide? Yes. Will you vote for suicide because of it?

    You tell me. Sorry. Not you, specifically, I’m sorry. But anyone reading, what are you trying to do? Don’t respond, I don’t fucking care. I’m not worth it. Let go of what you want for just a second, feel what you suppress, stop giving in to pain.

  • What is your personal definition of value?
  • This is a question with a very unnecessary body. Is it ugly? “Jesus Christ,” you say? What do you care about? I am seeing a therapist, he’s recommended the book “introduction to family systems,” by Richard Schwartz and I read it through twice about a year ago. It’s still seeing this therapist, and I’m healing.

    I had a question, you didn’t answer it. You focused on the body. I’m sorry I had so much to vent. I’m healing. I’m trying to express myself and hear what responses I deserve.

    Thank you for your response, I really do look forward to hear if you do have any measure of value, and how you define that measurement. There’s logic and there’s matter, and I wander.

    If you say you value efficiency over emotions, I feel sad for you. But I’d love to hear why. I make no assumptions, I really do look forward to your answer to the question you ignored to instead tell me I don’t belong.

    What the fuck do you live for? Can you tell me that?

  • What is your personal definition of value?
  • Sounds relative. What’s “absolute” value to you? The measure to define the worth of an experience, compared to another? Make life easier, more enjoyable? Do you ever feel free? Always?

    Is that schizo? What’s the point of asking, “what’s the point?”

  • What is your personal definition of value?
  • I don’t want to be sad. But as they say, the only way out is through, right? Thank you for the downvote, whoever you are. I wish you’d tell me why so I could respond, but this will have to do.

  • What is your personal definition of value?
  • I’m sorry to comment like this, but… I just had a thought I must, “save forever,” because I’m scared I’ll lose it.

    All this time, I’ve wondered if my girlfriend hates me or not.

    Now that I find my feelings, I can only wonder how MUCH she hates me.

    I had a comment to a post where I felt similarly with a long story that related to what I was feeling. The time spent writing that comment, and the explicit open invitation to message them, made me feel enough hope to not think that specific flow of words, “how MUCH hate.”

    I wondered, “how did I fuck up and how can I fix it?”

    I cheated on her the first year I was with her. It’s hard to admit that I talked shit about her the first few days, and remnants lasted as a part of me for a while after.

    It’s been 3 years now, and we live together because finances and a random gun shooting as part of a fight a neighbor of mine I never knew involved the beating up of a guy that came back with a gun.

    That’s the story the cops gave me, and occams razor is hard to use there, especially when it doesn’t matter why it happened. I moved out to live with her, and we got a new apartment.

    I asked her to move in with me after she mentioned she wish that was the way it happened.

    Initiative is the man’s responsibility, right? Sex says 1>1.

    There’s love on both sides.

    I’m sorry to spam. Again, I ask to please not ban. My life is on the line. I am not hateful or against any general rules. I ask that this be let passed for no reason other than to supplement the question I ask:

    what do you value?!

  • What is your personal definition of value?

    I’ve spent my life wasting my time, rationalized with words. In terms of my own human life, I’ve reached for a vague sense of meaning, purpose, significance… and value. At least, value of distinct characteristics of instances relatable THROUGH those characteristics measured.

    I was lost in the specifics, in the pedantic cycles that WANT to break into an answer that stops the constant motion that becomes meaningless once the reason is realized.

    Knowing is what I mean by realizing, but…

    Reality isn’t so tangible. Our hands only grasp so much, our eyes can only see a small bit… at a time. We make ourselves from what we experience. Some define those experiences deeper with another (word/meaning-boundary) to mean themselves, and they say they’re what they DO.

    But at our limits, we are struck by truth that sensitively lies, as an experience in sleep as dreams, some of which we remember. But death is more than what we are able to remember, it’s to stand, for at least a second.

    Like Ace in one piece’s marine fort arc, after he gets saved. For those few minutes, he lives. But he dies defending whitebeards honor, a lesson luffy learned much earlier with the pirates he attacks as a kid when shanks doesn’t respond to the empty threats they represented when they insulted him with irrelevant words.

    I ask a question and I ask that you write. It can be as jibber-jabber gibberish as the words I scream like this. As I hear myself, all I want to tell anybody and EVERYBODY else, who’s not me:

    TLDR:

    a simple exercise meant to be reworded:

    Ask yourself, who you are, And don’t answer.

    Voices will come.

    Listen.

    Don’t answer.

    But if you do answer anyways…

    Don’t hate the screams. Don’t hate any of the answers. Not even the ones you search for.

    Maybe you’ll eventually recognize that the moments your thoughts escaped your “peace of mind,” happened. That you’re not forgetful or cursed in any way, that life is WHAT IT IS.

    BEAUTIFUL.

    I AM SORRY. PLEASE respond to the question title however you deem fitting, even if it isn’t saved forever, it will have happened now. And the mystery of now is enough reach towards, together.

    But hatefulness is the only thing I see in the reality of the governments that hold us. Black people in America, Muslims in India, sinners in Saudi Arabia.

    Sins relocate, they never die. And reading all of Frank Herbert’s Dune series has made me naively sure of the ancestral memories that lives in our stomach. There lies our truth of love.

    I’m sorry. What do YOU value? This is the internet, and I hope you can tell I did not generate this artificially lol. Check the account history, I’m a dumbass. Please do not ban me.

    What do YOU value, in reality? In and out of life, of all of any?

    18

    Cat Facts and Behavior, a colloquial thread?

    Hi. I’ve been afraid of all non-human life since before I could remember. I got past it, mostly, but I’ve never gotten over the fact that animals can’t speak what they mean.

    I know that sounds stupid, but fear is irrational and I accept my own.

    Anyways, my girlfriends sister has 5 cats that she’s looking to adopt away. I’ve thought recently how nice it would be to have a cat, but I’m scared. I lost my job recently. I’m scared to adopt a cat we can’t take care of. My girlfriends scared I won’t be able to make money to survive. Hell, I’m scared about that too. I’ve been going to therapy for half a year now, and I’ve had a LOT of self discovery along the way.

    I think I’m different from the afraid-of-cats-and-all-animals-including-fish-and-hamsters?!?! That I am.

    Can you please teach me how cats think? I really want to get a cat, but I didn’t before I got drunk, and I am fishing for support in getting over my fear. I will most likely not end up getting a cat. Can you please teach me facts about how cats work anyways? They don’t have to be general, even just your owns. I’ve seen many cat videos, I get the gist. Kinda. They land so quick and I’m fine getting scratched, but I guess… just not dominated by an animal I can’t understand?!

    I don’t know.

    Cat facts please? No pressure. Thank you for writing and/or reading, I love you for either.

    8
    Is this allowed?
  • 03:12

    Power lies in paths realized, expressed in terms of interaction, created in the safety of a human mind.

    The mind implies the brain, but what most forget is that it also includes the body. The body speaks as you.

    But power lies in relationships and your place in them. The “bodies,” outside of you interact in very complex ways. The “body,” within, though?

    Now that I question with such text, I answer in passion. I want this passion to be visible, for that sake I dream of making an interface to write.

    I’ll make it on Linux, accessible by command line, but I’ll make it accessible with a GUI as well.

    First comes the gui, not in code but in formulation of a place for me to write freely.

    “Frame of reference is the necessary difference for separation to exist.” - me, now.

    How audacious, to write my thoughts on such a way. Contagiously, is my hope in that question with no question mark.

    Who cares what I have to say, when it’s nothing but pseudo-intellectual bullshit.

    Alas! I’ve found a target I would not mind exposing to this utter bullshit that is my soul right now.

    You! I ask not for love, for hate, or anything inbetween or not. I ask for naught. Only that you care enough for the time you HAVE lost in reading whatever portion of this that you have read, to ask yourself what you feel.

    Anytime, anywhere, all the time, everywhere, what you feel. Do you feel your breath? Your fingers, your toes, your muscles, your bones? The beating of your heart, that travels everywhere?

    I don’t ask for an answer. I ask and I listen, I speak and it’s enough. Alas, if only that was the case. If only I could SHUT THE FUCK UP.

    We live for many reasons, one of which is that we haven’t died yet. Another is that our parents fucked.

    Was it worth it? I guess that’s what they must ask? Maybe? Sometimes? With no “earth,” as Plato saw it, we travel at the speed of light. Mass is the slowing down of light, from the perspective of the very very fat.

    I strive to mean much, yet I still walk empty. I talk less than air, I scream with words silent. Is it worth the read? Was I worth my seed?

    When you trust yourself to answer honestly is when the questions disappear.

    Help, a scream of love, not me, but yourself. And not for me, either, please. The stronger my light grows, the easier it is to hide in its shadow.

    Cry for yourself, if you can. It’s too late for me. Pray for your children, it’s too late for their seed. 03:29

  • Depressed Husband
  • I don’t comment/post online much. I’m depressed and I think my girlfriend hates me, but these upvotes give me hope. Thank you.

    If you find something that helps, please let me know. I’m so tired.

  • Depressed Husband
  • Take this with a grain of salt, but I’ve been going to therapy lately and I feel like most big parts of my healing process can be attributed to reading introduction to internal family systems.

    I write a lot to process, but I’ve stopped recently to just sit with my emotions and face them without any distractions. Trying to sit with silence is hard, but the closer you get with genuine peace, the deeper you go. The book helped me understand that I’m all of me, and sometimes that contradicts, and that I don’t need always need words to define experience.

    I don’t know how else to help, but therapy’s helped me feel more… real. Not so idealistic as a consequence, and things are scarier that way, but… life goes on.

    I’m reading the red book by Carl Jung now. It is very helpful for me in understanding my own “human experience.”

  • Is this allowed?

    This is a test. I have lots of textual shitposts to make, waiting to be released from the potential that is my soul, in its experience of my self as separate “parts,” created from memories. So many words. Are you allowed to unironically make copy pasta? This post is gibberish and so am I.

    What be the rules? I’m all I’ve ever been and making my way to all I’ll ever be, and I’m also an idiot. How do I fill the hole? “Whole” only lasts so long, why’s the dark gotta be so scary?

    Stay glib

    12

    [OC] [FB] Gaping Hope

    Nights dark past days dreamt.

    Visions without forms, Delusions of grandeur.

    All alive, in mouths gaping.

    Dreams burst, of just being, Of scenes heard, And not screaming.

    Listen, Don’t lead.

    Alone in the silence, Scenes play of wildness, Of that irrationally emergent, Of that potential-packed-peace.

    Of the motion that moves, When intentions cease.

    1

    Are there rules here? Is this spam? It’s genuine and from my heart and I’m 30 and poor and Ravi

    In honest love for knowledge, are there rules to this community? I like to write, and I love knowledge. I’ve read all of Asimov’s timeline, all of Frank Herbert’s Dune series, and I’ve recently gotten into the Red Book by Carl Jung.

    I write a lot, and a lot of it is, to passionately reference Jung, from the part of me that resonates with the following passage from Jung’s Red Book:

    “I resisted recognizing that the everyday belongs to the image of the Godhead. I fled this thought. I hid myself behind the highest and coldest stars.” - uhh page 31 of the book I have, printed in 2009… isbn 978-0-393-08908-0.

    I never learned how to cite properly. Sorry.

    Anyways, I write from a feeling, from a place among “the highest and coldest stars,” I know I can never reach.

    I worry someone will make this a copy pasta. Please, for the sake of my soul, help me understand where I can blast my words and hear an answer from another person. Someone willing to dissect my gibberish. Im seeing a therapist, I trusted that he could heal me, and he gave me the idea that we’re all made up of very complicated “parts” that are made up of ‘atomic’ parts that can be directed a lot easier than anything understood to be the mystery that our souls/minds/selves really are.

    Please, TLDR: Can I write from the heart here and hope for an answer?

    Or will I be banned? If so, all I ask is for a link to a place I can truly communicate about topics vague and generalistic. I don’t think my therapist will be able to understand. I’ve told him too much, and I don’t trust his capacity for breadth of soul, though I see how painfully insane I can be, here and now.

    Sorry. Again, TLDR: please don’t hurt me :c

    I’m already pathetic, but I refuse to let go of hope.

    Help? I’m in no danger, but I need some kind of connection, any kind of response to love the source of. I love you for reading this if you read all, and if you didn’t… read Jung instead. He’s got more behind his words, though… in this day and age, hope to be heard is hard to have. That’s why I’m here, spouting gibberish!

    6

    What’s your best advice to help someone want to learn?

    I would like to know of a community where I can post things that I write to myself. I’m not capable enough to make my own community yet, and I’ve got a lot to say.

    My question, though, is about learning. What’s your single most essential defining piece of advice, to share the love of learning? To make someone who isn’t interested, interested?

    Other than necessity, I guess. I hope that doesn’t just answer the question.

    23
    poetry @lemm.ee SloppySol @lemm.ee

    Fresh

    I hope this is okay:

    You sit there, feeling important. Feeling amazing. You sing, you want to dance, you feel good.

    You sit, now, but you only do that to write. You're bobbing your head, you're in love, you're enamored with existence, the leaves are sticky and the wheels are so fast you can only think of their position as speed.

    Miles per hour is a beautiful standard, and beauty's hard to come by in math.

    But, there's humility to be had. Try, once, to record yourself in something you believe yourself to be confident in that you've never experienced as an interpreter.

    Record and watch, or listen. Write, then read.

    Then, will you wonder? Or wander? Saunter?

    Or, will you for once, believe in the beauty you create? Why let it go, when it's all that you are? More than have, but to BE. Sometimes it might be hard to tell the difference, but you are what you are.

    You are what you are.

    Hear ye, and be see.

    Sight is flight from the now, it's abstraction the allows for retraction, it's love that you can never get enough of, just... see. Be.

    Find the do. To be or not to be, There's the FUCKING rub, for each and every option.

    Of which there are many, as many as there are any, fucking things to be.

    Words have meaning, take what you glean, I hope you can demean, if only... you can redefine.

    Just don't, please, don't defile. I'm swimming in words, everywhere, a messy pile.

    File your own, revile what you've grown, and start fresh, if you haven't already, in your complicated flesh.

    0