It's AMA, so I'll answer anything honestly (as long as it's in good faith). I like a pretty broad range of art. Some of it is more cartoonish (I've found comics of Bart before that worked for me) some of them are more on the realistic end. I'm also kind of an outlier amongst my pedophile peers because I like hyper features on child characters. Oversized genitals are a turn-on for me. But I do also like "normal" sized genitals. Some of the characters I've really liked are Naruto, Hiro Hamada, Aang (and the other Avatar boys), and Tyler Nguyen-Baker from Turning Red.
not OP, but also a pedophile. How would you want society to treat you? I want to be seen as a person like any other. I've worked hard to love myself with a very difficult sexuality that society would prefer I kill myself over. I've never harmed a kid. I never will. I want society to see that people like me exist.
Hi! I'm not OP, but I am also a pedophile.
What you're describing is called SOCE "Sexual Orientation Change Efforts" AKA conversion therapy. It doesn't work for gay people to try to gradually change the gender of the people they're attracted to, and it doesn't work for us to try to age up the people we're attracted to.
Personally, I've tried conversion therapy for my being gay (three months at down in the the American South). That went about as well as you'd expect. Maybe a little better in that I'm not horribly mentally and emotionally scarred, I suppose.
For myself, I do seek out other adults, but I do not engage in age-play. It's not something I need to do to make sex work for me. I don't even fantasize about children or anything, I just focus on what I'm doing and what my body is feeling and enjoy sex with my partner.
I'm also not an exclusive pedophile. Exclusive pedophiles have a more difficult time with things, though I know of a few that ended up dating other exclusive pedophiles and they make things work with ageplay and mutual fantasy. There are other exclusives that don't date at all. It can be very lonely being a pedophile.
Hmmm.... So, I agree with you to a point, but I want to be careful here. Regardless of how anyone with age dysphoria (yes, that's a term we use) identifies, I want to be clear that I don't think it's acceptable for them to have any sort of sexual or romantic contact with a child. It might be appropriate for them to seek out another adult who feels the same way about their own age, or is interested in age play.
Additionally, not all of us experience age dysphoria. I believe it's most common amongst those of us who are attracted to our own genders, but that's purely anecdotal, I haven't taken any survey, nor seen any research.
If I could inhabit a virtual representation of how I would want to look, it would be myself (male) around age 8 or 9 or 10. Or possibly some conglomerate of features that I liked about myself between between the ages of like... 4 and 16, but that sounds much more amorphous, doesn't it?
This has been apparent to me since I was in my late teens. After watching the movie The Butterfly Effect I would often fantasize about sending my brain back into my childhood body and living my life again but with all my present knowledge and experience, and also not physically aging after a certain point. I've also imagined what it would be like to live like that species of immortal jellyfish that goes back to being a polyp and then grows into an adult jellyfish again. I also really liked the book The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August because the main character keeps getting born and living through his childhood. Disappointingly, the author mostly skips over Harry's childhood and focuses on him being an adult in each life.
Hey again, not OP, but also a pedophile. Those are great questions!
For myself, innocently interacting with kids is usually fine, but I am constantly aware of myself. If it ever feels like too much or it's not fine, I excuse myself and have actually gotten irritable with children if they won't leave me alone. Teaching kids boundaries with their own bodies sometimes looks like enforcing boundaries with your own body. If Saint says, "That's enough for me, I'm done tickling/wrestling/playing/whatever" and a kid doesn't resect that I mean it, they're going to hear me raise my voice and walk away to enforce my boundary. This is good for me as well as the kid, so that they learn they can and should set redline boundaries for how people interact with them if they ever get uncomfortable.
As to age ranges... there is great variety. Pedophiles are one slice of what are called "chronophilias," that is, people who are attracted to certain age ranges or Tanner Stages. In ascending order we have infantophilia (infants and babies), nepiophilia (2-4), pedophilia (prepubescent children), hebephilia (pubescent children), ephebophilia (teens, also this one is where attraction spots being a paraphilia as most of the population typically has some sexual interest in teens), teleiophilia (this is the "typical" age that people are attracted to each other something like 18-35), mesophilia (like 35-55?), and gerontophilia (people in their 70s+). There's another one that I missed in between meso and geronto, I think.
I am a pedophile, but I'm other things too. If we were to look at the ages that I'm attracted to, the bell of the curve would be 6-16, but it doesn't cut off sharply on either end of the curve, particularly as we get older. I'm attracted to some people in their 20s or even early 30s, and I've been attracted to kids in the nepiophile range. Age of attention is a little fuzzy for me also, because I'm at least halfway a cartoonophile. Cartoons are drawn with cutesy proportions and it can be difficult to tell the "age" of a character depicted.
Many people use the term "Minor Attracted Person" or "MAP" because it more broadly encompasses everyone with an attraction to children, not just people attracted to pre-pubescent children.
There are other community labels that we use for those of us that like boys, girls, both, or neither, as well as those of us that exclusively like children, or those of us that like adults too. There are other things, too, but this post has gone on long enough. 😅
I'm aware that some of that probably sounds super gross. It's not anything that any of us chose to have. This is something that we experience. Imagine if you woke up tomorrow and were suddenly one of these things. It would be pretty difficult. Almost none of us have had an easy experience.
Yeah! It's similar, though not quite the same. We aren't sick, pedophilia isn't a mental illness. You can treat and cure drug addiction, but we aren't addicted to anything. We have a sexual attraction. Often, therapy looks like helping us to accept our attractions and ourselves for who we are. There may be other elements too, like victim empathy and things like that for pedophiles who struggle with impulse control, but on the whole it's acceptance. Many of us start out pretty revolted with our attractions just like an everyday teleiophile would if they suddenly woke up and found themselves attracted to children.
Thanks so much, and I'm not offended. A lot of people think it's a mental illness. Two friends were totally shocked when I said I didn't need therapy for it. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T NEED THERAPY? MAYBE THERE'S SOME WAY TO REATTACH YOUR ATTRACTIONS TO SOMETHING NORMAL!" Conversion therapy doesn't work for gay people or for pedophiles.
Anyway, I really appreciate you. You stay strong too!
Hey! I'm not OP, but I am also a pedophile. Thank you so much! I do want to just point out that while we may be mentally ill in some ways (chronic depression for me), pedophilia isn't one. It's simply our sexuality. The DSM does list pedophilic disorder, which is if our attractions cause us distress, but that's not the case for me anymore.
I really appreciate your input, though! Thanks! I wish you the best!
Hi there! I'm not OP, but I am also a pedophile.
I'm going to "yes, and" you on your first point there: the primary focus should be on protecting children, and one of the best ways to do that is by providing support to pedophiles. Many pedophiles discover their attractions between the ages of 12 and 17. Most of them never talk about it with anyone (I certainly didn't). According to research, this puts them at increased risk of commiting a contact offense against a child. It also I creases the risk of suicide. Many teen pedophiles kill themselves when they realize what they're attracted to. Getting support, either from a therapist or from anti-contact peers, diminishes those risks significantly.
You are correct that the way society is currently designed, a lot of the ways we "protect children" has nothing to do with protecting children and everything to do with persecuting pedophiles. Society would much rather have us incarcerated, or better yet dead. It would solve the problem of our existence pretty cleanly. But that's not realistic, and people only want that for the unknown boogeyman idea of a pedophile. Not for their son or daughter or cousin or parent or friend.
Your comparison to veganism is apt. Anti-contact MAPs are content with using ethical, non-harmful outlets that don't hurt anyone.
Thank you for your sympathy (you said to OP, put presumably to all pedophiles), but I'm not sad about what I am anymore. It's been a very painful journey, but it's shaped me into a very kind, empathetic, caring person. I am happy with who I am.
lol, thank you. People tend to think of us as morally bankrupt with out of control sexual impulses and urges. The truth is that... we're people just like you in many ways. Different in some, but fundamentally the same. We need help and support and acceptance the same as anyone else.
I'm not OP, but I'm also a pedophile. I am out to friends with kids and they trust me around them. My friends know me deeply and believe that I am a good person and that I am trustworthy.
I understand the why of your question, but it still stings. This is like asking straight friends do people let you around women (or men, depending on which gender they're attracted to). I'm not a danger to anyone, just like you aren't in danger of sexually assaulting any attractive adult you might see or be alone with. I recognize that this answer may have you brand my friends as naive for trusting me. Maybe you think that all pedophiles will always eventually touch a kid, or that merely having an attraction I didn't choose makes me a risk and a danger. I hope that you'll examine that belief, maybe even take the time to get to know some of us. It's not true that we all hurt kids, but thst societal belief does make us think it's true. Before I found Virped and MAP Support Club I thought I was the only one, and I thought it would just be a matter of time.
This article talks about all the pedophiles you may know who aren't out and who you'll never find out about because we don't do anything:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/KpMNqA5BiCRozCwM3/social-dark-matter
Not OP, but also a pedophile. Well, because of my religion I ended up marrying a woman. That was a mistake. I was never out to her, and I'm not now. We broke up, and my current boyfriend does know. I don't think I'll ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn't know and can't be at least somewhat comfortable with it again.
I'm not just a pedophile. Minor Attracted Person "MAP" or Youth Attracted Person "YAP" are more applicable. I'm a pedophile, a hebephile, an ephebophile and in some cases a teleiophile and a nepiophile. I don't consider myself truly exclusive, though I am more exclusive than I want to be.
I've never been outed, but I have come out to just over a dozen friends. That's gone well except in one case where two friends who are a couple chose to cut me off.
Not OP, but also a pedophile. For me it was probably when I started masturbating a few weeks before I turned 17. I thought about boys, but I suppressed it and told myself I was just gay (which was bad enough because I was religious). I did later start to use hentai (shota, specifically).
I'm not OP, but I am a pedophile. I'm not seeing a therapist, and I haven't seen a therapist for this exactly. I did try conversion therapy at one point because I didn't want to be gay anymore. What I will say is I have done an immense amount of work on myself, I've read things and talked to friends... I have done the work of therapy essentially without a therapist. Once I got peer support for being a pedophile, everything else clicked into place, and I've been able to apply everything I learned and gained. It's been amazing. I'm not afraid of myself anymore. I'm not afraid that one day I'll slip up, I know that that won't happen. I don't think I have to kill myself or cut this part out of myself. I'm just okay. Right now a lot of my time and energy is put into supporting other people with their struggles. I find that very rewarding.
I also detailed in another response why it's difficult and risky to seek therapy for this particular issue. It's not all about the money. Therapists can out you or call the police on you even if you haven't done anything and don't plan to do anything. All they have to do is suspect that you might be a danger to kids.
Not OP, but also a pedophile. I never experienced any sexual anything in my childhood, not even porn. I started masturbating a few weeks shy of 17 and realized I liked to think about boys while I did it. I thought I was "just" gay, and that was already really bad because I was religious. As time went on, I realized it was so much worse. At least that's how I thought at the time. I'm pretty sure I was genetically predisposed to develop this way. It's a sexuality just like other sexualities. It's just one that can't ethically be acted on the same as other sexualities.
not OP, but also a pedophile. I don't know that we experience "urges" per se. We have a sexuality, just like anyone else. If you would say that urges are a part of any (non-asexual) sexuality, then yes we experience urges in the same way. FSM (shota/loli) is legal in my country, and I do use that as a harmless outlet. (Harmless in the sense that no real person is harmed in the production of the material I use).
People have always sexualized children. Personally, I'm not a fan of sexualizing real children (I'm something of a cartoonophile, so I almost prefer cartoons anyway?) But, I will say that private thoughts and fantasies can't hurt anyone, and as long as a person keeps those things between their own ears, there's nothing wrong with it. I do think that commenting in spaces that a child may see what is said is harmful. I don't think a child should ever know that a pedophile is attracted to them. I also don't like people using AI to generate pictures of real children. AI as a whole is a big mess that I don't like. I think that if it's trained using actual CSEM images it's pretty unethical, but if it's extrapolating virtual CSAM based on what it knows porn looks like and what it knows kids look like maybe it's okay? I think it's gray, but dark.
What's our endgame? Well, that's a great question that we need society's help untangling. When you say "if it were permissable" I'm assuming you mean adult-child sex? That's not what I want, nor is it what any anti-contact pedophile wants. We believe the risk of harm to a child is too great, and we stand against it even in places where adult-child sex is legal or permissable. But back to our endgame: let's say that everyone who is or will grow up to be a pedophile is killed or ceases to exist right now. In 13 to 20 years you will have a whole new crop of pedophiles. We are an unfortunate, but natural and kind of normal quirk of sexuality. I guarantee that you know at least 1 or 2 pedophiles who are not out to you or maybe even themselves. So what are we going to do with us if we aren't going anywhere? Well. We need resources. We need therapy and mental healthcare. And we need it regardless of our income. If society wants to help us not offend we need to be able to be open about who we are, we need to be able to seek help, and we need to have access to sexual outlets that don't cause harm (even if they're "gross" to the rest of society). I believe the fictional sexual outlets cause no harm, adult-in-adult ageplay causes no harm, child dolls cause no harm, etc. Are those things unpalatable to society at large? Yes, probably. But better that we have access to ethical things that are kind of icky than have sexual frustration and tension build inside us.
How do we reconcile that kids will age out? Is it a Michael Jackson thing? Well... realizing that kids will age out isn't a thing for me. I don't pine after real kids so much. Cartoon children can be children forever. As far as just preferring children's company... some of us are like that. Some of us mentally and/or emotionally feel much younger than we are chronologically. Some people may refer to themselves as trans-age or age regressors. But many of us are not like that. For myself, I wouldn't mind having a 10-year-old body with my current adult brain. Not even for sexual reasons, I just find having a body that age appealing and true to how I want to exist in the world.
To your last point: getting therapy is a very tricky undertaking. Mandatory reporting laws make it a requirement that therapists report us if they even believe we are a danger, and for some therapists merely having this attraction makes us potentially dangerous and therefore reportable. I know some people who have had the police called on them from a doctor or therapist's office when they asked for help. I know some people who have been outed to family members by a therapist. It's not always safe for us to seek therapy even if it is affordable. As there is more research about us, I'm hopeful that that will change, and there are resources out there for us to seek safe therapists, but these therapists may not be in our network, further complicating things.
Hi! Not OP, but also a pedophile. I used to get really angry at God/the universe, in fact it's one of the reasons I left my religion (how could a loving God make me or anyone else this way?) but today I accept it about myself and I'm not mad anymore. I'm out to several friends who all know me well, and so far all but two people have accepted me.
I'm going to turn your original question back on you a little bit. If you see someone in your day-to-day life that you're attracted to, but you don't have consent to do anything with, how difficult do you find it now to act on your feelings? It's the same for me. In the words of Penn and Teller, I do rape and murder all I want. And that amount is zero.
You're welcome! Sounds like you're already on VP and MSC, then? Might want to edit your original post and link both sites in case any other lone MAPs find this post and need help and resources. www.mapresources.info would be good to link also.