[Vent] I just had the most amazing first date of my life. They blocked me a few hours after.
Throughout the entirety of the date, everything was reciprocated. There was, uncommon for me, even unprompted active flirtation from the person in question when the present conversation was not necessarily flirtatious - random sweet things.
It lasted over four hours. We talked about our intentions, our interests, our passions, our traumas. There were two hour+ phone calls prior to the date that contained much of the same personal conversation.
They asked me to kiss them, prompted only by the vibe of sitting on a park bench by a river surrounded by geese enveloped in the reflections of the sun on the ripples of said river. This has never happened to me before, I have always been the instigator - always the asker, never the asked - it was not considered a masculine or attractive trait during my childhood to be asked. I obliged. We kissed quite a few more times the rest of the night, by my initiative and theirs.
They complimented parts of myself that I hate, or at least find hard to love - my nose, my freckles, my hair. They made me feel both seen and beautiful and I did my best to reciprocate. I have not felt this way in years, I can't remember the last time I felt this way. It is only a first date, I know this. I know this. For like 50% of the date we were laughing and planning our second date, a potential third. We had talked about how things may change the more comfortable we became with one another, like hanging out at each others' houses. They talked about getting me a birthday present.
Date ends. Get home. We text about how wonderful the date was, when our schedules would align well next - the sooner the better. Two hours since the last message was sent, I see:
!
Hey I’m so sorry but I’ve been thinking and I’m just not interested. Good luck tho!
I am taken aback but I think, ok, sometimes these things happen. Rejection would be one thing. I wrote a message saying it was totally ok but I just wanted to know if it was possible to remain friends, and if they were comfortable telling me if I did anything wrong or could have done something better, but they had already blocked me on everything. I just don't understand. I'm starting to feel like something is seriously fucking wrong with me.
We had shows we agreed to watch together, games we agreed to play, and music we agreed to share. All gone in an instant without any recourse or explanation.
Am I acting entitled? Is this an extreme reaction to something trivial? I've been crying for a while. I've always considered myself an open book but I shared deeply personal things with this person. The connection was instant and nigh tangible.
I just wanted someone or some people to talk to. Most of my friends won't care. I'm living out of a hotel for now. I returned to this horrible, disgusting room with a smile on my face. I was ready to get some rest and do what needed to be done tomorrow with that same smile. Now it's 2am and I just lie here staring at the ceiling through soaked eyes tuning out the hotel cable until infomercials become little more than meaningless gibberish.
I'm trying to get better.
I feel so fucking alone.
They probably had a good reason for ending it so abruptly. Maybe they were scared of retaliation because I'm a man. I just wish I could know why. Is this type of hurt so fucking typical for "casual" dating? I am so drained, it's a fucked up thing to say but I wonder about chemical castration sometimes. Is there something similar for "romantic attraction", too? Because if this is at all typical, I'm ok. Count me out. I'm an adult and I still feel like a scared little kid.
While it very normal and human for you to feel like, completely self hating and worthless after such a crazy Charlie Brown football moment, and I know this is not what you want to hear right now, you absolutely can't be walking away from this scenario thinking "I must be horrible or why did this happen."
You seem like a nice, cool, and self aware guy. I don't know you, who knows, maybe you're a monster. But just judging at face value, I think most people would agree it is very strange for someone to reciprocate and initiate such strong feelings so intensely only to completely 180 and say/do that.
I don't know the person in question but as someone who has a really complicated relationship with dating right now I can empathize with some states of mind and behaviors that could be really damaging to others that would totally just be my internal BS. I am talking to one girl and I like her, but I also have some negative reactions to her affections and catching myself having feelings for her, so I go cold and firm a little bit. That's not at all her fault, that's entirely a byproduct of my own shit. I don't know the person you talked to, but it would not at all be weird for you to wonder what THEIR issues are, because frankly that level is a little bizarre.
You're not entitled, you just had by all accounts a mutual human connection and it got destroyed with no explanation. I wouldn't be surprised if this made it really difficult for you to accept affections. You have been kicked while you are down, nothing stings quite like getting your hopes up in a chronically shitty scenario only to be left probably feeling like a loser and a fool.
You are neither of those things. You're a person and responded to strong affections how any of us do. I know that connection felt like a diamond in a sea of shit, and diamonds are indeed depressingly rare sometimes, but there IS plenty of other diamonds out there. I know it's cliche but you will find someone special again, and again. Please don't let this push you into a pit of hopelessness. What you desire and what you deserve may be behind 1000 more bitter battles, but it is there, and it won't always be a complete hell marching towards it either. Have some hope. 💜 I'm sorry you are going through this my friend, that is truly terrible.
Thank you comrade. You have been in my thoughts as of recent, too - I hope things are looking up. I do see a light at the end of this tunnel of filth, the hard part is crawling my way to it.
You know, you're almost right, but the situation wound up being much, much stranger. Let me say I am glad I did not allow my emotional vulnerability to persuade me to become too invested in this person... I dodged a lot of insufferable drama, at the very least. Still hope they're getting better, though.
Be kind to yourself. Late stage capitalism makes things awful. I'm a demiromantic demisexual and dating apps are no help at all. You might find someone later, maybe she was testing the waters and decided that she was not ready. Maybe she'll text you later because she needs to get over her old boyfriend for a while first. If she thinks you are a good guy she might recommend a friend. Many things are possible. Maybe she went too deep too fast and you reciprocated but that embarrassed her.