looking for recommendations - non-horny

Bonus points for isekai because I love that shit.

This is the problem. The things you have a problem with are particularly common tropes in isekai. If you look past isekai, I'd say most anime don't have these "problematic" things, so maybe you just need to broaden your horizons. Can you give examples of shows that you were unhappy with recently?

If you're looking for an isekai I'd recommend Seijo no Maryoku wa Bannou desu (Saint's magic power is omnipotent). It's a lot more laid back than your average Shonen isekai and doesn't feature any of those problematic tropes, it also has a very sweet romance in it.

ReZero can get lolliish but not sure. Shield Hero is a nice Isekai, and was pretty vainilla as far as I remember.

Bungou stray dogs. Basically zero horny, and an actual masterpiece to boot. This is one anime I genuinely think everyone who watches anime should try no matter their taste in general. Yes it's that good. Word of warning, though, season one isn't the best, it starts picking up from season 2 and only goes up from there.

Not technically an isekai but .hack//sign is great and basically about being trapped in a video game so it's similar.

Visions of Escaflowne is an isekai without the tropes, it's from the 90's and includes some mechas.

So I'm a Spider, So What? is good and I don't remember fan service or anything else being an issue.

I still enjoy Inuyasha and think it'd be worth you checking out if you haven't yet.

Ya Boy Kongming! is great, it's about a historic figure getting reincarnated in the modern world.

My Next Life as a Villainess, it's cheesy but I like it, villainess isekai has been gaining some steam in the last couple years.

Sonny Boy is amazing and definitely not your typical isekai.

Some favourite non-isekai but still worth checking out:

Jujutsu Kaisen
Fruits Basket 2019
Summer Time Rendering
Horimiya
Attack on Titan
Chainsaw Man
Kaguya-Sama: Love Is War

The Eminence in Shadow can have some dark parts, but the bad people get their comeuppance. And it's pretty funny.

I've personally been on a cute girl kick, watching this romance series called Sweet Blue Flowers - heavy romance, low ecchi.

Bocchi the Rock is literally just cute girls in a rock band

For an old, out of left field choice, there's Fushigi Yuugi (The Mysterious Play) that's pretty good.

Lots of good recommendations already, I'll add some as well. Which should all be pretty much as non-fanservicey, loli, and misogyny free as isekai and fantasy anime get.

For something chill, an isekai that makes you want to eat

• Restaurant to Another World

Gritty Fantasy Isekai

• Grimgar: Ashes and Illusions

Fun Romping Around Fantasy Isekai

• In the Land of Leadale

For the whole package of romance, fantasy, and a quality story

• Maoyu ~ Archenemy & Hero

Funny and Fun Isekai

• So I'm a Spider, So What?

Isekai to make you think

• Haibane Renmei

Old School Isekai

• The Vision of Escaflowne

These are all romance/romcom if you’re looking for something a little different

Insomniacs after school - romance from last season

Kaguya as others mentioned

Wotakoi: love is hard for an otaku - one of my favorites and I’m surprised it hasn’t been mentioned yet. I feel like it’s one of the rare romance anime’s that focus on working (post college) people

Horimiya - plus bonus season is airing now

Irina the vampire cosmonaut: romance is more of a secondary genre for this, but still really good. The OP has a really relaxing vibe too

ReLife - classic, but for a reason. What if you could go back and redo high school.

Any that you recommend? I’m with you that some of the less desirable tropes can really put a tamper on some good shows. Sorry there’s no isekai, I feel like a lot of them tend to have at least some fan service