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Ask Lemmy NSFW FixLongJumping9032

What does the perfect intimate night to yourself look like?

So I'm just going to say it - I don't last particular long when I masturbate, maybe 2 or 3 minutes continuously. It just always made masturbating pretty uneventful for me - might I even say boring.

Lately however I've been wanting to change that a little. I started to try and edge to make everything last a little longer, which ended up causing quite a bit of ruined orgasms xD.

I also decided to buy some new sex toys. I ended up buying a prostate massager which MY GOD is probably the best purchase I've ever made. To my surprise I was able to make myself cum hands free which I've never been able to do!

Figuring out what I like has been such a blast and made masturbating much more enjoyable for me! Fuck I might even enjoy it a little too much >⁠.⁠<

So I wondered, most people always talk about what they enjoy during sex but let's switch it up. What's does the perfect night for yourself look like? Maybe I'll even be able to get some new ideas from them!

  • Over the last few months, - reading. I never thought about reading as being an engaging arousal method. Maybe I'm too much of a connoisseur or something, but it is much harder for me to get aroused from reading. Albeit from literotica or AI, it must be much more engaging to take to climax, while also engaging me mentally on new levels I never experienced with visual media alone. It goes places that make me question much of my ethics and preconceptions in unique ways. This even helps me overcome some of the residual biases I was unable to address due to my ultra conservative religious extremist upbringing (that I reject completely).

    • Or, if you are not much of a reader (or even if you are): Check out audio. gwasi should keep you "busy" for a few months ;)

      • That's definitely something interesting xD audio is always the best thing about porn, in my opinion it's kind of boring without it. This doesn't sound hehe like such a bad time

    • pro-tip: If you find a good, long story that you like, put it on your ebook-reader (Calibre will automatically convert HTML to whatever format your device wants). Ebook-reader in one hand frees up the other one...

    • May I ask if you are a man? I'm a lady and reading is where it's at for me. Videos are last on my list, stories are first. Since forever. Written erotica - imagination - still images- videos. I kind of want to make a sweeping generalization here, but not sure it's true. The men I know who like porn like videos best, the women I know prefer written smut, but perhaps my small universe is not representative of most?

      • Yeah, "man" if I am forced to be labeled. There's so much 'old' and expectations in the "man" label. I tend to lean into more "guy" or "dude" because I'm a boy at heart even at 39. My mind is still in an extended growth spurt, so I'm not grown up yet, and never want to be.

        foolish ramblings

        Most video content is made to focus on satisfying the typical male ego. I don't find that appealing and I doubt most women do either. The whinny female slut-moaning in most porn is terrible as well. The male experience is very objective driven. So the visual appeal of 'picture yourself (here) doing (this)' is an expedient path of release; bonus points if it appeals to narcissistic alpha ego's deep insecurities.

        The most appealing content for me, is the exploration of honest female orgasm. I think that is the real reason why squirting is so appealing. There is a raw and unyielding honesty in the moment that can not be faked or denied later. It is a moment of shared innocent vulnerability beyond words. I suppose that perspective is common among some partners that observe the other in such a vulnerable moment often. For some of us, those moments of raw honesty are rare. I find it deeply troubling when, in conflict, a partner denies the validity or magnitude of past moments of perceived vulnerability that lacked such a tangible raw honesty. It is a deeply hurtful loss of connection. That is the underlying appeal to me personally. I postulate anyone with a fixation on female squirting has been hurt by a partner in conflict like this.

        When it comes to applying this on a more practical level regarding the content experience, I think it is far easier for a male to imagine an attractive female experiencing something more than what the content contains, and a picture gives a clear objective driven goal regardless of whether it moves in video.

        I feel like women are not so objectively driven, and need to feel compelled. That likely means most male ego driven content is unappealing due mostly to the inherent objectification and lack of honest raw vulnerability that underpins the sexual experience being emulated.

        Most of my partners have liked what I like, but most were muses more than real partners. They tended to gravitate towards content that reflected their insecurities, which I found fascinating, but never pointed out to them.

        I think it comes down to self awareness and nuance. I don't think many males explore written content in print. I am unlikely to think twice about seeing a woman reading a novel in public and I imagine that is a fairly common stance. Reading material seems much more accessible for females, with the benefit of building a deeper compelling momentum focused on female exploration and gratification. It answers the question of why, instead of focusing solely on the what and where of the encounter. I deeply appreciate the why question as well as all the rest like, when, which, and who, even the occasional if, is, else, while, for, and why not.

        By contrast, if I find any male reading, I am very likely to take notice and note of what he is reading specifically. It is a sign of a rare and interesting person. There is a lot more social pressure in this regard to appear less eccentric and a lot of people will assume damning traits to anyone with open hyperbolic eccentricity. The underlying animalistic danger attributed to all males by default is likely a factor in why it is not generally acceptable for males to read smut openly. From a conservative mindset, reading is dangerous and threatening intelligence. Adding sexuality into the picture becomes intolerable.

        Plus, when reading, it often delves into shocking ethics that would require admitting insecurity to discuss openly. Many relationships do not have openness across this boundary. Like the most read story on literotica is about a woman secretly having sex with her son on the car ride to his freshman university dorm. There are many facets of this story that may wreck the foundations of an insecure person if they admit the appeal of being turned on by such a story. Judging by the free porn industry's bias towards male narcissist appealing content, I imagine most men are incapable of addressing how such content impacts them and even fewer have the fortitude to maintain a stable ethos long term when such questions are left to ponder.

        I think I am a bit of an outlier though, so maybe I'm not the best measure of a man's mind. I think most men lack the self awareness and curiosity to explore beyond their objective driven mindset and so never explore beyond the utility of image and video formats. Anyways, that's my rambling novel of a perspective.

    • Wait, can you use ChatGPT to generate erotic literature?! I would've thought that sort of thing would be a "sensitive topic" that would cause it to refuse.

      • Install text-generation-webui (aka "ooba"), use it to download a good model which your CPU or GPU can handle (e.g. TheBloke/MythoMax-L2-Kimiko-v2-13B-GGUF), install sillytavern and configure it to use your ooba, then get some nice character cards from chub. (or directly use the ooba webinterface to tell the AI to write a hot story)

        I can go into further details if you are interested :)

      • Offline, open source AI is a thing. I've never used the proprietary data miner stuff like ChatGPT.

    • I've always liked to read yaoi, it's definitely no where near as "sophisticated" since it has engagement from both story and visuals. However it always did the trick for me!

      I've never really considered AI for something like this, it sounds like a lot of fun! Do you by any chance have some you'd recommend?

      • I use Oobabooga Textgen WebUI (github) as the model loader, and usually an offline model that runs on my own hardware called Flat Dolphin Maid (because it is a merged model derived from 3 and abbreviated into this name). You can find this model on I use the GGUF version and 4 bit quantization. It works well with 64GB of system memory, 12th gen i7, and a 16GBV 3080Ti GPU. I'm not sure what the practical limitations really are for minimum hardware. This is a 8×7B mixture of experts model.

  • Staying as close to the edge as possible for as long as possible—which usually ends up being somewhere between half an hour and an hour in my case, if I'm honestly keeping myself right on the edge the whole time—and then, as soon as I can't possibly hold it anymore, do the exact opposite of ruining it. That is, whenever I'm about to cum whether I want to or not, I deliberately stop edging, speed up, and just make myself cum as hard as I can. I love dedicating an entire hour to making myself cum so hard I can no longer form complete sentences, one time, and then just laying there and being totally satisfied by that. It's 1,000% worth the effort.

  • Okay but what was the new toy? My friend wants to know. My friend is my prostate.

    To answer: find a great porn, play with a few toys, possibly edge for a while until an explosive orgasm.

  • Anal dilators are nice. My anus gets a little more forgiving each time. This somewhat sates my libido and serves the additional purpose of preparing me for a pounding I hope to receive some day soon.

  • Recommendation for sex toy: e-stim plug

    I never tried something like this before, but oh wow is this fun :) (and you can set whatever strength will keep you at your preferred arousal-level)