NonCredibleDefense @sh.itjust.works LOCKMART @sh.itjust.works 4w ago

I'm a proud American, but if my country decides to go all-in on the crazy, I know where I stand...

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NonCredibleDefense @lemmy.world PugJesus @lemmy.world 4w ago

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Here me out on this:

Join the war on the US side

Be really bad at your job, causing tons of friendly fire accidents

Defect to Canada before they catch you

Enjoy some well earned pancakes with authentic maple syrup

If you go to Canada right away, there's no way you're getting the maple syrup rations as a foreigner.
- Only doing this if I get a moose steak with those pancakes.
  
  Moose aren't like a sacred animal in Canada right?
  
  You'll have to fight the Mounties for them:
  
  Moose are revered and they are to be respected!! They can stomp your face effortlessly.
  
  I believe Aboriginal cultures have many deep ties with the moose. I think some people hunt and eat them, but it's not really a thing on a menu where I am (urban west coast), and is moreso a maritime/Newfoundland menu thing.
  
  Regardless, we build many statues to them: (I have only seen one of these in person [top right, Deer Lake Newfoundland].)
  
  Image transcription: Five moose statues from around Canada. Moose are 2m or 8 6.5-7 feet tall (at the shoulder), so these are some bigass sculptures. One, which was a memorial for a man who died of cancer, is now covered in bras for breast cancer awareness/fundraising.
  
  Edit: converting metres to feet is hard to do in my head.
  
  Every so often I see a video of someone trying to mess with a moose, and I can only assume it's because they are suicidal. Unless you have a gun and decent distance, a moose will fuck your shit up.
  
  Re: statues, we have this beautiful bastard in Cow Bay, NS!
  
  Sometimes a gun and distance isn't enough, those suckers can move.
  
  Use more gun and more distance in those cases
  
  converting metres to feet is hard to do in my head
  
  Just multiply by three and then say fuck it. For bigger numbers just add a random amount.
  
  We multiply by pi all the run time, feet to meters is basically the same thing.
- You could definitely do more damage in the US military than fighting against them, and if you're smart, they'd never be able to prove malicious intent.
  
  Drive a forklift into a fighter jet, for example. Millions in damage, and they'll just think you're a moron.
  
  They wouldn't be wrong.

113 comments