Project Dessert Storm: When Biden Met the Thank-Obama-Machine

It was a mellow Friday morning in the White House's underground bunker, a place kept secret from the public, known only by code name: 'The Kitchen'. Here, nestled between a stash of Michelle Obama's elusive vegetable garden seeds and a barrel of JFK's forgotten cinnamon pretzels, work had commenced on a project so audaciously ridiculous it had been given an equally ridiculous name - Project Dessert Storm. The mission: to amalgamate the beloved "Thanks, Obama" meme with a series of automated custard pie throwers. Madness, you might say? Well, yes... but also, no.

The idea was born following Obama's last State of the Union address where upon uttering the phrase "God bless America," a rogue intern had cried out "Thanks, Obama" from the crowd. The ex-president, ever the sport, had fired back with a wink and a nod.

But now, with Obama enjoying his retirement on the sun-soaked beaches of Hawaii, it fell upon his trusty right-hand man, President Joe Biden, to introduce chaos and villainous dessert pastries to the mix. Because, as we all know, nothing says political satire like a barrage of custard pies.

Biden had been thoroughly briefed on the agenda: "5 automated pie-throwers, each calibrated to target unsuspecting victims approaching the vicinity of the Oval Office. They are to be lovingly decorated with the phrase 'Thanks, Obama', and filled to bursting with creamy, gooey custard. Make us proud, Joe."

However, there was one tiny flaw in the plan that nobody had anticipated. Biden, notorious for his butter fingers, had misread the blueprint. Oh, the pies would fly, alright. But they weren’t going to be hurling them at unsuspecting visitors. Each and every pie was headed straight for the commander-in-chief himself.

As the initial launch of the custard projectiles took place, White House staff dived for cover. Men in black suits leaped behind the secret service desks, and news reporters took shelter under giant eagle statues. Sesame Street's Big Bird, who was visiting for some reason, used Snuffleupagus as a shield. It was an-even-for-the-White House level of chaos.

Every inch of Biden was plastered with custard. His glasses were covered, his tie was stained and his hair was dripping with the evidence of a comedy show gone awry. The 'Thanks Obama' pies had quite literally backfired at a velocity and precision unmatched even by NASA’s most advanced rocket launches.

And as for Biden? He paused after the custard shelling, wiped the creamy dessert off his spectacles and muttered in true Biden fashion, "Well... this was unexpected. I don't suppose anyone has a blueberry pie?"

It's safe to say that Project Dessert Storm would be remembered, not as a failure, but the most hilarious tragedy in presidential history. Biden had America doubled over in laughter, and in a strange twist of fate, he had also refueled a beloved joke: 'Thanks, Obama'. The Dessert Storm had arrived, but it was not the one that they had anticipated. And while the "Thanks, Obama" meme had once again been placed firmly into the top meme tier of the internet, Obama himself hadn’t been there to bear witness.

Will there be a next time? Will our dear President ever get that blueberry pie? Will the 'Thanks, Obama' pie cannons claim their next victim? Only time will tell. Until then, God bless America and pass the custard. Thanks, Obama.