3 weeks in and navigating social settings
3 weeks in and navigating social settings
September 16 I had my last glass of alcohol. I was a weekend binger, always with groups of friends. I’ve been frustrated with so many things lately, my weight gain and aches and pains, wasted days from hangovers, just generally feeling unwell. We had our anniversary on the 16th and went to a club that had a Latin band playing and salsa dancing. I wanted to dance but my feet hurt because I have bad plantar fasciitis and heel spurs, and I’m very overweight. So instead we sat and ate and drank and enjoyed the music. I was feeling kind of crappy and sad that I’ve let myself get to this point.
Then we ran into a friend we haven’t seen in 12 years or so, he was on the dance floor and dancing like professional salsa dancer. The last time I saw him he was struggling with drugs and alcohol. Once I got talking to him, he told me he has been sober for 6 years and learned salsa and bachata and is loving life. I finished my glass of wine and told myself that was the last.
So here I am 3 weeks later and now the initial struggle is finally hitting. I feel like I’m not ready to announce my sobriety yet, but now people are inviting me for drinks and stuff. My neighbor just asked me to come over for a fire and have some whiskey. I’m having a hard time navigating that. We also have year 10 of our Halloween party coming up at the end of the month. Usually an absolute drinking fest. I’m excited to go and have been working on my costume for a couple weeks already but having the conversations with people about not drinking just seems infinitely difficult.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
That's awesome, good work mate. There will be occasions where temptations are there. Just stay strong and remember the big picture and what you're aiming for. You'll look back on yourself in 5 years time so thankful for the decisions you made now.
If you ever slip up and have a drink, just remember that doesn't mean it's all over, and it was all for nothing - your progress doesn't reset to zero, it just takes one step backwards, all those steps forward you've taken are still there. Be kind to yourself, accept it happened, then get back on track, and you'll get there.
The good news is that these situations will be less and less likely to result in remission as you and your friends get more used to your sobriety. Sounds like your friends don't know yet, so they are continuing old patterns. I'm sure once you inform them of your plans, they'll be supportive, and if not, then they're making the decision to not be a part of your journey any more, and that's on them.
You might find engaging in new activities that don't centre around alcohol would help. I find if I exercise, I can't stand the thought of drinking afterwards, and only want to eat healthy food and drink water. Anything else feels a bit disgusting. You'll find what works for you.
Keep it up, you're making good progress!
Thank you! I think the weird part for me is that I’m so emotional over telling people. I told my neighbor I’m not drinking and said I’d still like to come over to visit. She didn’t reply for a while and I got really upset, because it almost feels like I’m going through a breakup. It’s isolating. But then she replied and said no worries, she’s gonna make us hot chocolate instead! So yeah, you’re right that my friends will likely be supportive. It’s just this time I’m not lying to myself and telling people feels like a really big deal because I really mean it.
I really hope I pick up some new hobbies and activities, and get my health back on track too.
She didn't reply for a while and I got really upset, because it almost feels like I'm going through a breakup. It's isolating. But then she replied and said no worries, she's gonna make us hot chocolate instead!
It sounds like you've cultivated a pretty awesome friend right there. If the rest of your friends are like her, then I think you're in good shape.
Best of luck.
Put coke in a rocks glass with a slice of lime on it. No one will know any better. I used to drink at kareoke every week and honestly no one notices or cares that I’m not anymore. Congrats on three weeks!! By Halloween you’ll be almost to 6? ;)
Great idea! I think by the time the party comes I’ll have informed my close friends. I already asked one to make some non alcoholic Jell-O shots for me lol. Also, I’m being a pirate this year and I bought a cool pirate mug to drink from and I’m gonna pour NA beers or coke and lime like you said and carry it around all night. I’m hoping that as long as I have something in my hand, people won’t ask.
They're not cheap, but seedlip makes some non-alcoholic herbal concoctions that go well with the types of things you'd normally mix whiskey with. The Spice94 is a good Herby mix. The one with the rabbit is kinda grassy, but the other 2 I've tried are pretty good.
I don't have much to say but just keep at it! As someone who is very steadfast in saying no to most alcohol (I drink like, maybe 2 glasses of wine a year at most), it can be done, you have to be very firm about it and ignore whatever social conventions there are. All the best.
Congrats on the 3 weeks. That's huge! It sounds like you want to change your life and have taken steps to do it. That is huge and I'm proud of you.
The things you are feeling are normal and something I can relate to. Navigating a life that I built for myself that is surrounded by alcohol was and is one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I personally had to take a lot of my time and prioritize my sobriety before I was ready for social gatherings again. Your milage may vary. That said, once i did go to a party, I realized most people had no clue I wasn't drinking. I was much more self conscious about the fact. I would bring NA beer with me or Seltzer and most people wouldn't ask or care what I was drinking.
Good luck on your journey and I hope you have a kick ass halloween!
Navigating social situations where you used to drink is hard. It gets easier though. The first party I went to and didn’t drink I dreaded and thought it would be miserable but it was actually pretty fun. All though drunk people can be incredibly irritating. With some practice, your brain will rewire and you’ll stop thinking of drinking as being the default activity.
If your sobriety is really raw, avoiding situations where the urge to drink will be overwhelming might be good for a little while but you sound like you have a handle on it. I think it’s also helpful to face it, and when you have fun anyway and then wake up the next day feeling good it’s an incredible feeling. I didn’t realize how much of my life I planned around being hungover. I never made plans for Sundays because I just assumed I’d be miserable. That’s about 14% of my life just thrown away.
And you don’t need to make a big thing of it and announce that you’re sober, do whatever makes you comfortable. Just saying your not drinking today doesn’t need an explanation. You might be surprised how understanding people actually are.
Hope that’s helpful, good luck!