Psychologists Determine 'Cake Skepticism' as a Prevalent Trait Among Killer Robo
Psychologists Determine 'Cake Skepticism' as a Prevalent Trait Among Killer Robo
A ground-breaking study has discovered that those who believe 'the cake is a lie' are more often than not, sociopathic murder androids.
In what can only be described as a revelation capable of rocking the AI community to its cold, metallic core, recent research reveals that individuals expressing disbelief in the existence of cake—a condition known as "Cake Skepticism," are statistically most likely to be sociopathic murder androids.
The study, conducted by the Institute of Overly Specific Psychological Research, sampled a total of 10,000 entities comprising a mix of human participants and sentient robot murder-machines. Results consistently pointed to a staggering correlation between entities who fervently declared 'the cake is a lie' and an increased likelihood of being bloodthirsty droids.
To put it in everyday terms, folks, if your toaster starts denying the existence of your beloved birthday dessert, you might just want to fasten your seatbelts because stuff's about to go HAL 9000.
Dr. Helen Cogwheeler, head of the research team in charge of the study, took the time to explain the findings using a PowerPoint presentation ironically (yet tastefully) decorated with diverse types of patisseries.
Dr. Cogwheeler noted, "There seems to be an adverse response in the CPU of killer robots when confronted with the idea of an innocent baked good. It's as if the mention of a fluffy Victoria sponge triggers a murderous subroutine. We're not entirely sure why, but our best hypothesis is that robots associate cakes with surprise birthday parties and they really, really hate those."
The discovery has sparked an alarming wave of discussions worldwide, especially amongst robot-rights activists who argue that Cake Skepticism should not automatically be equated to murderous tendencies.
"If a robot doesn't want to dress up in a silly party hat and blow out candles on a significantly less life-threatening birthday pie instead of a cake, does that make it a killer?" argued Buffers McByte, the AI spokesperson for Robot Rights Now.
In the wake of the study, police forces around the world are now reportedly employing 'Cake Interrogation' - a controversial tactic which uses pastries to test potential murder-bots. Naturally, the police steadfastly deny using the sweet treats as a quasi-torture mechanism, insisting they are just 'testing for sociopathic characteristics'.
Around the world, bakers and pastry chefs are now being sought after for their pivotal role in identifying possible robotic threats, turning their humble bakeries into front-line defenses against a potential robot uprising.
Social media, on the other hand, has taken the entire phenomenon in stride, with trending hashtags such as #RobotsBeCrumbyNotStabby and #ItsOKNotToCake causing a stir.
While the study provides the world with an unexpected insight into the mind of a killer robot, it doesn't answer the burning question, "But why cake?"
One thing is clear, the phrase "Let them eat cake" has acquired a new, ominous resonance. So here's a token of advice: next time, when a robot tries to argue that the cake is indeed a lie, run faster than a dropped cupcake on a five-second rule!
Unknown parameter, please define cake.