Cat Advice: Rehoming a recent stray?

I'm going to start by saying you need to have a frank discussion with your fiance about who's responsible for the cat. I'm taking a bit of a leap here, but it sounds like this isn't the only problem with communication between you two. Also, and I think you know this, but taking the cat to a shelter will put a wedge between you and your fiance if she isn't fully on board with the idea.

As for the cat, well, she's a kitten. It's what they do. But it won't be forever, she will start to calm down in about another 6 months to a year. The constant need to play will start to disappear and probably turn into the need for lap time. She's a lot of work now, but when she's fully grown she'll be a lot more independent and easier to handle. You might even find she'll become a great companion once the kitten energy wears off.

As she grows and learns how to cat, her instincts are telling her what to do when she encounters prey. And the only way for her to get good is to "practice," unfortunately on you. When she starts, grab one of her toys and dangle it in front of her. If she starts going for it, toss it for her to chase.

A toy I suggest you get for her is a Kong Kickeroo. She'll be able to wrap herself around it (like I assume she tries to do with your hands, arms, legs and feet) and really go to town on it. It's good for her and good for you, since she can burn off her energy without causing you pain. To add to her enjoyment, you can grab the tail of the toy and give it gentle tugs while she's wrapped around it to mimic the toy "struggling" to get free.

I hope some of this will help!

I feel your pain, friend. My wife got a kitten back when we were dating and shared a 1 bedroom apartment, and this creature was an absolute menace. Unrelenting energy, didn’t have a chill bone in her body, very destructive, no boundaries. We were both a little afraid of her for a while there. My wife thought about rehoming her many times. By the time she was 2 years old, she was a totally different cat. Sweet, cuddly, lazy, all around a joy to have in the house. We used to worry about what we’d do with this cat if we had kids - we didn’t trust her. Now, we just had our second baby, and I 1000% trust this cat to be a model citizen. She lets the toddler chase her around and pull her tail (she doesn’t like it, but she puts up with it and never bites back).

Here’s the thing: Kittens are insane. It doesn’t matter how much space or attention or toys you give them, they’re insane. Cats, on the other hand, are generally pretty chill. Ours is trained to come when we call her, stay off of the furniture, and beyond that she just kinda hangs out.

If you love this cat and can tough it out for a few years, you very well may end up with a totally different kitty. If not, kittens are a LOT easier to re-home compared to adult cats. Maybe reach out to your local humane society, ASPCA, or other no-kill shelter or rescue. They may even be able to get her listed for adoption while you continue to foster her, and she can go straight from your home to her forever home.

Also, it is 100% okay to crate-train a cat just like you would a dog. I wouldn’t leave her in the crate any more than you need to, but may be worth a try if you need a break when you’re home.

Good luck, and please, don’t forget to pay the cat tax!

You need a bigger apartment and a second kitten. Problems solved.

There's a lot in here (implied or otherwise) re:relationship that just screams 'you are not happy'. cat aside, I would sit down and think about that.

As for the kitten. They really aren't as hands-on as you make them sound. Have you ever had a cat before? Cat's are one of, if not the most independent pets you can get. Provide food/water, and keep their waste area clean is pretty much all you need to do. That said there are things you can do that will improve the quality of life for both you and the cat:

• Give it high places to hang out. You can buy or make your own Cat stands that have platforms way up high for them to perch, and also make good scratching posts. Put one next to a large window (preferably one that gets lots of sun) and you'll know where the cat is 80% of the day. Advanced setups where the cat has walkways around the entire house above head level will make the cat very happy, but this is a bit much for beginners.

• Provide it with warm spots. At least a mat where sun through a window shines (or that aforementioned carpeted stand)

• Spend time with the cat whenever it is willing AND you are able. Give the cat space when it isn't interested in you, and set the cat aside when it is and you are busy. My favourite toy to play with cats is a laser pointer but, this is very important, you need to let the cat 'win' at the end or you will cause mental distress. End the play session with the cat pouncing on the laser dot on a treat so it thinks it has caught prey.

• A packet of catnip toys (eg: little mice), more so when the cat is an adult will help to keep it entertained. I've heard they love balls of yarn but have never given one to my cats before.

If the kitten harasses you as much as you claim this might indicate the kitten is insecure due to being separated from its mother too early. The only thing I can suggest for this is that you and your fiance reward it (with a very short pet session or treat) when it is calm and comfy somewhere not bothering you. See the cat snuggled on the couch minding its own business? Take the time to give it a quick pat on the head and a soft 'good kitty' every once and a while. This will help teach it boundaries and 'independence'.

If it is still adamant it needs to spend time with you while you're working at the computer, teach it to climb on your shoulder or sit on your lap (maybe get a pillow for it to lay on while you work).

In the end, you sound stressed. Let me just say that once you bond there are few things more stress relieving than a cat nuzzling into your neck with a roaring purr in your ear. Cat purring has even been show to decrease injury recovery time even!