When it's consensual, it ceases to be pain, at least in the way that true sadism is about the infliction of pain and delighting in the pain itself.
The kind of safe, sane, and consensual play that I've engaged in, the goal is so different from true sadism that it might as well be called something else despite the term applying.
And I've gone pretty extreme here and there over the years. Never to the point of long term harm, that's a hard no for me. But to the point of bleeding or needing recovery time beyond the day of the session, yes.
What's weird about that is that my preferences for "sadism" are much gentler. I prefer using pain as just another sensation that blends into pleasure in the submissive. But there are people for whom the pain needs to be pain for them to achieve the mental state they prefer. It needs to not become pleasure, or they can't release and go into that state at all. And I don't mind providing that occasionally.
Mind you, I couldn't be a long term partner for someone that needed that kind of activity. It doesn't do it for me, so it would always be a one way street. But at clubs and gatherings, playing with someone that wants/needs the more extreme activity is fine, short term. Even kind of fun in its own way, but it doesn't fulfill me the way the more gentle violence does. I prefer a loving kind of pain, if that makes sense.
When I'm doing harder play, I'm usually thinking more than feeling. I'm paying attention to the amount of force used in blows, the degree of injury being applied to skin to avoid lasting harm. I don't really get to just enjoy it for myself, other than a sense of pride that I can do it right, and that the person not only trusts me to do the scene right, but in succeeding
When it's my kind of scene, the feeling of taking a person right to the edge, where I'm ramping up the sensations to match the increase in their ability to process the pain as pleasure so that it's always just barely ahead of that curve is a flow state. It's meditative, but arousing. I sink into the moment, so there's nothing but the sounds and sights of the various tools being used, there's no thoughts interfering, just the years of practice applying without the need for conscious control.
It's the sounds and the sight of skin changing, and the feel of the heat when you touch the marks left, or tug on a clamp. That's the arousing part. Some people, nudity is part of the arousal as a top, but for me that's secondary, the nudity is necessary to reach the skin to be able to work on it, and through the skin to work in the mind of the "slave". Note please, I don't use the term slave personally, if I'm going to call the sub something, I prefer other terms, but it's convenient when talking about the matter.
But that connection, where you've used their body to unlock their mind and you're in this dance of sensation leading to both of you reaching your desired state of being, that's the real "orgasm" for me. It is sexual, even if there's no sex, or no orgasms physically, but there is release. There's the feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment. That's there even when working a stranger at a gathering, where there's no "real sex" involved at all.
Don't forget though, for some masochists (again, the term isn't perfect when applied to this kind of thing), the physical sensations of pain aren't always the main thing. It can be about being controlled, being subjected to the experience and being allowed to give up their control. It can be about humiliation as well as that, and/or the pain itself.
And, I must state agains, this is about consensual play. I am not a true sadist, if the person was there against their will, it completely breaks the pleasure of it. Just the idea of that is a turn off for me. While I can do scenes where the "victim" is there involuntarily, all of the consent happens ahead of time, and that's where I'm not really into it for my own pleasure. And I dislike participating in rape play entirely, even within a structured scene where there's no force implied.
As strange as it may seem, the underlying kink for me isn't necessarily the pain involved, it's the consent. The person wanting the pain, the person wanting my efforts, that's the real turn on for me, the rest is just fun. That's why rape play doesn't work. It breaks that part of my kink, where the desire of my "slave" is there.
I have never, ever, missed a safe word, or otherwise gone past where a partner wanted to go. My ideal session is where I take them right up to the point where they think they might be ready to tap out, but aren't quite there. I don't want the fun to stop for them, or me. Safe words (or other signals, I can do gagged play) are (ideally) only used when the slave has reached fulfillment, not when the session is beyond their limits. I can't say I've never misread someone under the lash (so to speak) and had to stop, but as I got more practice in, it happened less.
The sadism part, the actual pleasure in hurting someone for real, isn't part of what I like. Again, I can provide that kind of session up to a point, but it isn't my kink. My boundaries have always been about the care needed after. No stitches, no care that goes beyond what could be provided in a home setting. If the injuries involved would go beyond that, it's a hard no for me, which isn't exactly true sadism, and I've known both masochists that want things that go beyond that point, as well as people that enjoy applying that kind of pain.
Even with all that, if I was looking for someone to play with, back when I was still active in the community, I would specify that there would be no blood at all. I never really enjoyed even minor wounds during play, I wanted things to be more controlled, and once skin starts bleeding, control of sensation is kind of gone. You can't fine tune cuts or broken skin.
Very interesting read, thanks!
