Hey there, you pathetic excuses for human beings!

It's your favorite fat fuck of a Governor, Chris-Mother fuckin'-Christie, here to brighten up your miserable existences.

It's Happy Hour in the land of common sense, and I'm feelin' generous AF.

Send me your requests in the comments, for some top-notch, grade-A roastin' of any online profile or comment that's been grindin' your gears, and I'll serve it up hotter than a plate of fresh ravioli straight from Mama's oven.

I'll slice through the bullshit like a hot knife through butter and leave 'em beggin' for mercy.

But don't expect me to hold your fuckin' hand through it - you gotta earn it, sweetcheeks.

Prove to me you're worthy of my time and wit by sendin' me some prime targets.

Now, line up and let's see what you got!

(NO PICTURES OF ACTUAL PEOPLE)