Current dads who grew up with terrible fathers of their own - how have you done things differently?

Love your kids, and talk to them. Don't yell, even if you've had to say the same thing 5 times in a row. Take what they say at face value, and demonstrate that they can talk to you about anything at all.

Also, make sure you realize your job is to raise an adult. Yes you need to protect your children, but that's just so that you can help them become adults.

I'm here. I didn't have an example, so I'm trying to learn what I can from others but I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.

Sometimes the best blueprint for being a good dad is simply reflecting on your experiences, remembering the things you went through that really stuck with you the most and making that conscious effort to do better for your own child. The fact that you’re here asking how to do better speaks volumes. Show up for your kid and love them unconditionally.

Just the fact you’re asking about being a good father is a great sign, means you care, which a poor father won’t!

Involve yourself in your kids’ lives and put in time with them and it’ll turn out ok. When I was learning about being a father I looked for people to look up to as good parents and tried to emulate them. My best role model said put in the time, because it will all come back to you through your kids.

I've done the opposite. I actually had a great template for parenting, I just didn't appreciate it. Cheating on my wife? Nah. Coaching baseball and getting involved? Yes. Playing games? Yes. Drunkenly abusing everyone I know? Not so much. I take special interest in my kids interests. I teach them what I know. When they're older I plan to help them financially. Just because your parents sucked doesn't mean they didn't show you what to do. And the best part is: I know what drove me far away from them. I plan to foster an environment where my kids want me around when I'm old. Turns out parenting is kinda fun when you're not a complete piece of shit.

My dad was ostensibly a good dad. He did what he was supposed to, raised me, never made me feel insecure but he was distant as all fuck. There was a decade where if you'd taken all the conversations we had with one another that it might have been 45 minutes total.

So yeah: that's important backstory. I grew up not fearing my dad or anything, but I never felt I knew him. hindsight and remembering what was going through my head at certain stages of my life made me NOT want to have the same relationship with my own kid. It never felt bad per se, but I always innately knew it could be better

I just try to be present. I listen to my kid. I remember my thought processes and fears when I was her age and I try to talk to her in a way she'll understand and appreciate. I also spend a fuck of a lot of time with her

First, congratulations! Having a dad who cares is an amazing advantage in life. Your little one certainly is lucky to have you.

Sometimes the hardest part is being aware of your own ignorance and giving yourself room to not knowing how to do everything. After all, even if you had great parents, no one has ever risen YOUR child before, so this road is yours and yours only.

In my case, I tried to learn as much as possible by reading some books on child development, language acquisition and other related stuff. Tried to avoid blogs since anyone can just write anything on the web and personally prefer research-based material instead of the trendy buzzwords that fill up the parentsphere.

There are some really helpful books written in very friendly language that helped me understand and react to my child's needs and how to regulate myself so she could learn to do it on her own. Send me a note of you're interested in any recommendations. I'll be happy to share.