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The servers (instances) aspect and different communities (forums on topics) on different servers and servers blocking others, is a mess if I'm being honest. It's the biggest flaw. I still find it hard to find communities of topics I want..
To find communities of topics that I want across the fediverse, I go to https://lemmy.world/communities?listingType=All&page=1
Works pretty well.
Maybe freedom isn't for you. They say you can't unplug from the matrix after a certain age.
I think my main problem with the fediverse in general is that if I click a link to something on a different instance from an external site, I can't instantly interact with it on my account (subscribe, vote, comment etc). I have to go back to the instance my account is on, then search for that post and hope that the fediverse has connected those two servers, then hope I'm actually able to find it, then I can interact with it. This could probably be best mitigated by some sort of solution like an app or browser extension that does those steps automatically.
Yeah this is my biggest issue with it.
I believe there are some GitHub cases open on the development side that is being discussed about possible solutions.
Sorry, I've been hearing so much flak from people complaining defederation exists at all (in the same universe where, for example, Zuckerberg exists) that I didn't pay attention to anything else you were saying. My bad take.
Re: your other issues, it's something that will be fixed soon, but in the meantime you may find this useful: https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/469273-lemmy-universal-link-switcher