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I'm not sure my comment fits in this community, but I hope someone finds value in it. Another clear sign of abuse is what's called "the missing missing reasons."
I've had at least several hundred (yes, really) conversations with my parents where I explained how they were hurting me, and every single time it would just go in one ear and out the other. Once I finally moved out and consistently declined to interact with them, they started saying stuff like "why won't you just talk to us about your concerns? We want to have a relationship with you."
It seems like the only relationship they want to have is one where they keep doing the same shit they've always done and I keep putting up with it.
Thank you for sharing your experience and that article, it's really good. You're right that abusers are often in denial about their own actions and how they contributed to the estrangement. Have you read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents? It's a great book that may be applicable to your situation.
Yes! I didn't read the whole thing, but there was a ton of helpful stuff in the parts I did read. Thanks for responding and making sure I've heard of it. It really is an awesome book.