"Men are bad at picking up on women's hints." What are your actual thoughts on this sentiment?
"Men are bad at picking up on women's hints." What are your actual thoughts on this sentiment?
Either through memes or comments I keep seeing this sentiment pop-up from time to time. And I'm wondering what your (yes, you) consensus is on it.
I for one am too pessimistic to do anything with potential hints. Like even if there is a good chance I still just don't want to risk it.
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I hate the idea of hints. Because A. You then have to make the person your interested in make their own way towards you, and B. Then they have to notice it and then take a risk. I think it's FAR better, to give your crush an opening, serve them a line on a silver platter.
For example:
My wife was interested in me and she opened with:
"Am I too close?" To which I could've replied "nah you're good" or "yes, a bit" without any fuss. but, since I was also interested, I replied.
"Oh nonsense, if anything you're not close enough" which, can easily be dismissed as me being silly, but nope, she's interested. So she responds
'OH really? So how close can I get?"Like, set up a romantic line. If there's a romantic line to be had. If they're interested, they'll take it.
That's the same thing
This literally described picking up a hint
Yep lol, I thought I was going crazy reading it.
I know other people replied telling you already that this is exactly what the Op is taking about so I'll be a little more exact in my reply.
I've had this exact scenario happen to me two different times and with two different women when I was younger. One viewed me as someone they were interested in and one viewed me as a platonic friend amongst a group of friends.
The first one was the platonic friend. I took this as her trying to snuggle up to me when we were sitting next to each other on a couch and she flatly rejected my advance where I asked if she just wanted to snuggle so she could be more comfortable.
The second time a similar situation happened with a different group of friends at a party and instead of trying to reciprocate what I perceived the first time as a flirt, I opted to stand up and go sit on the bean bag chair so she could have more personal space. Much much later someone told me she was flirting with me and asked why I didn't try and snuggle with her. By the time they had told me this, she was no longer interested in me romantically. Presumably because I spurned her in front of everyone, much like the first person I mentioned did to me.
From then on I accepted that if I missed out on potential romantic opportunities because I didn't interpret a hint from a woman correctly then it was no great loss. They're clearly not a good match for someone like me who prefers clear and enthusiastic consent when entering into a physical relationship.
The first time I kissed my wife on our first date I asked her if I could kiss her. I've had multiple people tell me that it was lame to do or that I "should have just gone for it", but I preferred to be very direct with my intentions and make sure I'm not putting someone else in an awkward position where they're letting me kiss them because they're not comfortable plainly rejecting me.
Making the conscious decision to always be direct with my desires and potential love interests was one of the better choices I've made in my life. It allowed me to by myself without requiring "game or rizz". If the other person didn't respond positively then no big deal as we likely aren't compatible as potential partners.
TL;DR: Hints are fucking dumb.
Be open, speak plainly, and be direct. This isn't just something for people who fall on the spectrum. Pretending to be anything other than exactly who you are around the people you're most comfortable with is a silly game that will end up with you likely losing in the long term. You can't keep up your "first date persona" forever and eventually the real you will come out and they might not like who they see.