OTTAWA - A smug man from Canada wasted no time this morning chastising Americans for re-electing terrifying liar and felon Donald Trump, despite the fact that he plans to vote for terrifying liar and asshole Pierre Poilievre in the next Canadian election.

TORONTO, ON ― Local Toronto Police Service officer Jeremy Moriarty took great care during an initially routine traffic stop this week to unnecessarily escalate the situation to a degree of violence exactly reflecting the racial lineage of his victim, Daniel Hall.

OTTAWA – Yesterday Justin Trudeau made a bold commitment, announcing billions of dollars in funding for a massive government program to make Canadians lives better in some way, which Pierre Poilievre will absolutely cancel when he is elected Prime Minister sometime in the next 12 months. “This new i...

OTTAWA - The Trudeau Liberals have announced relaxing of several mortgage rules, all with the intent of allowing more Canadians to barely afford the crappiest, tiniest investment condos that have ever existed.

The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to condu…

IQALUIT - For many years, it has been common practice for Canadian senior citizens to travel south over the winter, seeking warmer climates, limited contact with anyone born after 1956, and the opportunity to drink a Tom Collins at an outdoor patio in February.

QUEEN'S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced the imminent shutdown of a local safe injection site in favour of a new retail outlet devoted solely to alcohol consumption.

ANN ARBOR, MI—Noting the rapid increase among assholes who just don’t know when to quit it, an alarming report published Thursday by the University of Michigan found that the nation’s fuckers now have 83% more nerve. “Based on our data, we can see that over the last year there has been a threefold r...

WASHINGTON—In a sobering report on the impact of climate change and deforestation, U.S. environmentalists warned Monday that the nation was running out of small wooded areas where a group of buddies could smoke up. “Sadly, accelerating levels of industrialization have led us to a point where our nat...

When you told me that you managed to salvage the twenty video games you had on hand before our marooning, I was a little confused…

Former junior high bully and antagonist of a 1990 anti-drug PSA Ryan Telley is reportedly still pushing handfuls of pre-rolled joints onto random people, befuddled sources confirmed.

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