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Sombyr Sombyr @lemmy.zip

Your local bi(polar) schizo fluffernutter.

Previous profile under the same name over at lemmy.one

Posts 5
Comments 211
Am I old now?
  • Gen Z here.
    Do people really not have wallets now? There's so much I can't carry without a wallet, most importantly my ID. Am I expected to just put that loose in my pockets or bag?
    And like, sometimes I'm forced to carry cash for one reason or another. I need a space place to put that.
    I'm guessing it's just because the majority of my generation isn't old enough to be regularly encountering these issues. I'm 100% certain it'll change as they age the way I was forced to.

  • Dreaming of a more egalitarian world
  • I wasn't intending to say we only like muscles as an indicator of lifestyle. I was saying they're also an indicator of lifestyle, so even if we are attracted to them we may still pass because it doesn't match the kind of personality we prefer, and personality is generally a lot more important to us than appearance (generally, but not always.)
    For instance, I find muscles attractive. I like that they show somebody's interested in staying healthy, but I don't generally date muscular men simply because I'm not into the fit lifestyle. I much prefer a guy who's more likely to join me playing my favorite games or watching my favorite movies, because I'm a nerd and those are the things I like, and a guy who's a little chubbier tends to be exactly that kind of guy.

  • Dreaming of a more egalitarian world
  • I can't speak for every woman, but I can speak for my own experiences and report based on the things women I know have said. For me and those I've spoken to, we may like muscles, but the things you need to do to get those muscles often aren't as attractive and cancel it out. Like, if you're getting muscles by going to the gym every day, that's only gonna attract women who are enthusiastic about the gym. If you get them from farm work, you'll attract women enthusiastic about farm life.
    That's why a lot of us like dad bods so much. It's not that it's inherently more attractive, it's that it's a body type achievable by living the kind of life style people who're into that enjoy.
    In other words, yes, muscles can be attractive, but not nearly as attractive as shared hobbies and interests, and it just happens quite often muscles can be a quick indicator that you probably don't share many.

  • Do you avoid discussing some topics online even if you have something you'd like to say about them?
  • Yeah, and the worst is when people are talking about something I know a lot about, getting virtually every detail wrong, and I have to resist saying anything because I know my input will either be ignored, or worse, straight up unwelcome.
    Luckily the blessing of being dumb as bricks is that that doesn't happen a lot, but I sure hate when it does.

  • Advice on increasing dpad sensitivity?
  • Yeah, but that seems to be an issue with aftermarket membranes mostly. I haven't found any that aren't stiffer than the OEM by a significant degree. If you can find an OEM membrane in good condition, and combine it with the cardstock mod, it usually reaches about the same stiffness. However, after all this time I've found OEM membranes tear pretty easily, making them even stiffer than aftermarket, so I personally opted to deal with the stiffness of aftermarket membranes combined with the cardstock. Though nowadays I actually just use an SP because I like that dpad more (it uses metal membranes that don't as easily wear down.)

  • Advice on increasing dpad sensitivity?
  • I had this problem with one I modded myself because the new screen was just slightly thicker than the old, pressing on the outer shell and causing the dpad to need more pressure. The solution that worked for me is cutting a small ring of cardstock and putting it between the dpad and the membrane. It increases sensitivity by a lot, but does come with the side effect that you'll be able to press every direction down at once if you press on the center.

  • There's a secret bingo square that says 'not a girl'
  • Simultaneously power mommy and disaster bisexual. Except the disaster part only applies around women and the power mommy part only applies around men. I don't understand this phenomenon but I enjoy it.
    I think it's best demonstrated in the difference between how I confessed to my 2 latest crushes, one man and one woman. The dude, I was like "Yo, I like you. You in?" with zero hesitation.
    The woman? Stuttered for 10 minutes straight until she figured out what I was trying to do and helped me through it.
    They both said no, but they're both very good friends of mine now, so it worked out.

  • Invasive species [The Daily Drawing]
  • I've definitely heard "invasive" used to describe people quite often. It's not usually the first word people will pick, but it's not uncommon.
    But on a related note, what's up with Lemmy (and previously Reddit) insisting that just because they didn't get a joke means it's not funny/poorly written? You're allowed to just not understand jokes sometimes. You can't explain away why something is objectively not funny any more than you can objectively explain why a joke is funny.

  • rule
  • I have a similar issue as somebody with a case of dysphagia worsened by certain foods, which happen to be 90% of what you're supposed to eat to be healthy (suspected to be a combination of eosinophilic esophagitis and another unknown condition.)
    The amount of times on various social media platforms I've been told to "suck it up and just eat them anyway" as if my condition isn't real and that won't cause me to choke to death is absurd.

  • I can only hope people continue to love the truly old ones for a long time.
  • I haven't even hit 30 yet and it's weird to hear Voyager called old. I grew up watching TNG and sometimes TOS with my mom. It was one of the few good parts of my childhood. It took me forever just to stop referring to Voyager and Enterprise as "the new stuff."

  • NSFW
    After what time on HRT did you experience a female orgasm?
  • For me, the changes happened really gradually, and some changes didn't happen at all (which is normal, because it's not the same for everyone, not even cis women.) It took around 2 years before I started noticing any changes, and around 4 before I stopped noticing any more changes. It can vary a lot though.

    It's also worth noting even once you've experienced all the changes, it won't feel the same every time. For instance, for me, it's only a full body experience if it's a good one. Otherwise it doesn't feel much different in nature from a guy's orgasm. It does definitely last longer usually though. Usually around 15 seconds, but it can go up to... well, actually, I've never felt the need to break out a stop watch.

    There's some things that for me never changed though. For instance, it doesn't take any longer to build up, and I almost never can have multiple in a row. Although I'm still responsive to stimulation, it just doesn't go anywhere. On very rare occasions I've had consecutive ones, but it's been that way since even before I transitioned.

    Also, I've seen a lot of claims that female orgasms are more intense than male orgasms. For me at least, that is absolutely not the case. They feel different, but intensity wise it's exactly the same. I do react more physically, but not because it feels better, rather just because estrogen did that to me for some reason.

    I think honestly the line between "male" and "female" orgasm are a lot blurrier than people think and it's not really a useful way to think about it. Not everyone will even experience changes to their orgasms and that's not because there's something wrong, it's just because there's so much natural variance that many women just naturally experience what is often called a "male" orgasm.

    I've seen a lot of trans women get really disappointed thinking something must be wrong because they haven't achieved the fabled "female orgasm." Just know that that's a very idealized version of a female orgasm that not even most cis women, in my experience, meet. It's completely normal for some things to change but not others, or even on occasion for almost nothing to change at all.

  • It is very therapeutic to garden, though.
  • I spend 1/3rd of that on all of my groceries combined per month. If I was spending that much per week I would be over 1000$ in debt after a single month. Is the average person really that rich? And what food are they buying that they need to spend that much?
    This is baffling to me as a poor person.

  • A bit late
  • Men being hurt by women is not an excuse for men to hurt women in return. It is possible for both groups to acknowledge they've been hurt by each other and work toward a solution. Pushing "they hurt me so they deserve to be hurt" helps nobody, especially when both groups are doing it.
    That's what I'm complaining about. This mindset that being hurt by men/women completely absolves you of the responsibility to allow them to feel safe. Any space dominated by women will be filled with "Well men are responsible for the majority of violence and sexual assault so actually you deserve to feel like shit." every time a man speaks up. Any space dominated by men will be filled with "Well it makes me feel bad when you discuss the repercussions of your trauma so shut the fuck up." every time a woman speaks up.
    We can have a place where both genders can talk freely about the way these things effect them and the changes we need to make to fix them. The issue is people are only pretending to want such a space. What they really want is the other gender to sit down, shut up, and agree with them uncritically. Because in their head they're definitely in the right and they'd rather not be confronted with alternate viewpoints from people who have lived experiences they'll never have.

    Worse, as a trans woman, you'd think people would be more willing to accept our viewpoints because trans people are some of few people who can have both lived experiences. But no, our experiences are only valid if they 100% allign with the men or women we share them with. Otherwise we're brushed off like somehow our experience doesn't count because we had the wrong experience to reaffirm their biases.
    On Lemmy, dominated by men, when I say I fear women due to my lived childhood experience as a boy, being taken advantage of while I was still too young to fight back, I'm met with outpourings of support. People talk about why "this is why trans people's life experience matters." When I mention later in the same conversation that I also fear men due to my lived experience as a woman and not being able to fight back due the the hormonal muscle loss, suddenly, my experiences don't count anymore. People think they get to pick and choose which of my experiences were valid and valuable and which aren't based on whatever reaffirms what they already believe. And of course you can bet the exact same thing happens the other way around when I tell the same story to women.

  • A bit late
  • But what's going on here isn't something within the control of most people. When you're abused by somebody you don't choose to fear those people, you fear them because that's what your brain is wired to do to avoid repeated trauma. Like I said, therapy is the solution, but only part of the solution. The other part is fixing the issue causing the trauma in the first place. Men aren't being victimized by the women who fear them, they're being victimized by the other men who caused that fear.
    And I want to be clear, because I've realized at this point that this isn't obvious anymore in today's world, fear is not an excuse for misandry. At the same time, fear of men is not misandry. Somebody saying they'd rather pick the bear should be met with "oh, we should fix the issue causing them to fear men more than bears," not "oh, they should fear bears more."
    I also want to be clear that this isn't even a gendered issue despite the fact that it's been made into one. A man who's been abused by women and would rather pick the bear should also be met with compassion and "how can we reduce the number of female abusers?" I've actually been abused by women too. In fact, more often than I have men. I want to be clear that even though this discussion has been about men specifically, I feel the exact same way about women. That we still need to be compassionate to their victims and accept that the people who traumatized them are the problem, not their trauma.
    Fearing somebody is not an action you perform, it's a state you're in.

  • lemmy stop silencing SA survivors rule
  • I hope this doesn't sound aggressive, but unless you're a man, you never had to venture very far on Lemmy to experience misogyny. If you ever mentioned you were a woman in any of the major instances and communities in any context except "I'm a woman and here's what I don't like about other women," you were gonna get misogynistic replies and a shocking amount of downvotes. It's just what happens when any internet community is dominated by a single gender I guess.
    Lemmy's always been great about almost every other social issue, except sometimes trans issues and neurodivergence if you stepped out of the communities for it, but women's issues have always been an absolute train wreck around here.

  • A bit late
  • I realized this a long time ago when I made a simple complaint that I thought women's issues were downplayed a lot here, and in response I was downvoted, ridiculed, people demanded sources for my claims then claimed my sources were invalid for whatever reason they could pull out of their ass, and one person even, and trigger warning on this, told me I should die giving birth to a rapists baby.
    I've even picked up a downvote stalker during the course of this whole bear thing. Same time every day somebody goes through and downvotes every single new thing on my profile.

    So yeah, Lemmy's never been a great place for women. I only continue to participate because I'm disabled and have so few connections to the outside world that I'll take anything now.

  • A bit late
  • How about you miss the entire point and get aggressive for no reason?
    Seriously, what kind of response to "I've been traumatized by men" is "you should traumatized by bears too?"

  • A bit late
  • IRL, sure, but on Lemmy that's not what's happening. If you talk about trauma at the hands of women on Lemmy, you get outpourings of support and people sharing their experiences as well. Which is good. That should be happening everywhere.
    The problem is you can't do the same thing on Lemmy if you were traumatized by men. Instead, you get down voted to hell, get statistics quoted at you as if that'll magically fix it, and when surprise, still traumatized after the stats, now you must be a misandrist so your trauma is invalid anyway.

    I was just hoping one place would exist on the internet where men's and women's issues could get equal screen time and be respected just as much, but no, the genders have to be treated like sports teams and if you support one apparently you have to hate the other. I just don't get why people are like this.

  • A bit late
  • You're free to disagree, but for me and many others, I've been through both, and I'm definitely waaaay more scared of being sexually assaulted again than being beaten half to death again. They have very different effects on your psyche. Physical violence I react far more with anger than fear, even if I was terrified in the moment. When it looks like it's happening again, my brain says "Fight back." When I'm afraid of sexual trauma being relived, my brain says "Escape, now. Can't escape? Submit. Maybe that way they won't kill you too at least."

  • A bit late
  • I agree. I never said it was a good mindset. Therapy is definitely something we need to learn to deal with this and think logically. The issue is so absurdly many women have been traumatized by men that the mental health support systems would be so overloaded that it's just a fact that only a miniscule fraction of women would ever be able to receive help, even if we had absolutely perfect support systems.

    So the only solution is to prevent them from getting traumatized in the first place. But the entirety of Lemmy seems really resistant to that conversation. Would rather quote statistics about "oh the average man isn't likely to assault you" than to accept that the ones who do are dealing enough damage that the problem needs to be dealt with regardless of what the average man is doing.

  • Why are neurotypicals in charge of making up the social rules? They're not even very good at it.

    Edit: A few people have interpreted the title as serious, so I wanna clarify that it was meant as a sarcastic joke about how little sense the neurotypical world makes to me, but it is still legitimately me asking for help understanding said neurotypical world.

    Was having a conversation with a friend today about why I seem unapproachable to people online. Apparently it's for 2 reasons.

    One is that I say "K." all the time, as a short way of saying okay. She pointed out that most people find this rude and offensive. This kinda baffled me, because like why? She explained that like, if somebody were to give a long emotional speech and I just responded "K." that would be offensive. That confounds me. So it's rude in one context, and neurotypicals have decided to be offended by it in all contexts? But the reason it's rude is what confuses me more. Apparently it's considered lazy because you could have just typed out the word, but like, that applies to all text speech and nobody's mad about people shortening those words.

    But it got more confusing when she explained the second reason, which is that I end all of my sentences with proper punctuation, which she said "makes people feel like I'm done with the conversation and not interested." But just a second ago improper grammar was rude, and now proper grammar is rude instead.

    It baffles me. You can't just use proper or improper grammar. Use too much improper grammar and you're lazy and rude. Use too little and you're also rude. But you can't just use any improper grammar, you have to use the very specific subset of improper grammar that's been deemed acceptable and not lazy (even though it's exactly as lazy as what they do consider lazy.)

    To be clear, I'm not bitter, and I'm definitely gonna adjust my behavior to hopefully seem a little less rude to people. I think that's just a nice thing to do. I just find the neurotypical mind utterly fascinating. I don't think they even realize how many contradictions exist in the social rules they all so easily accept.

    81

    Do we intentionally translate ancient stuff and languages to sound old timey as an artistic choice, or is there some other reason?

    Every time I see an ancient text translated, it always sounds like it was spoken by a classy Englishman from the 1800s. Is there a reason it's translated that way instead of modern English?

    27

    Computer won't sleep properly on Windows nor Linux. (EDIT: Actually, it's working on Windows but not Linux now, for seemingly no reason)

    Edit for anybody who finds this post later: It was an Ubuntu specific issue. Swapping it for Fedora has allowed sleep to work perfectly. I suspect the Ubuntu kernels have an issue with certain motherboards.

    So this is a problem I've had for a while, but I've finally decided I'm sick of it enough to see if anybody has any ideas.

    Basically, I replaced my PCs motherboard and PSU to make them fit into a mini itx case so I'd have more space.

    Ever since then, I've had an issue where putting my PC to sleep causes it to appear to sleep properly for a split second, all the lights and fans turning off. But then immediately after that, the lights and fans come back on as if it were trying to wake from sleep, except it just gets stuck like that, with no video output to the monitor, no audio output to the speakers, and unresponsive to any button presses. Even pressing and holding the power button does nothing.

    I can restore it from this state by shutting off my power supply then immediately turning it back on. This results in the computer acting like I woke it up from sleep completely normally. Even the logs show no errors, saying that it went to sleep properly and that it woke up properly when I flicked the switch.

    Weirdly, I had no issues having it sleep on Windows initially, displaying the expected behavior of all the fans and lights turning off and staying off, and coming back to life with video and audio when I tap the power button. This behavior started the first time I tried to put it to sleep in Ubuntu, where it did what I explained above. Since then, not even Windows will sleep properly anymore.

    This behavior seems to exclusively happen when using suspend to ram. Hibernation works fine on Windows and Linux, as well as standby. As a result, I've been using those as a workaround.

    My setup is the following: Motherboard: Gigabyte a520i AC PSU: Cooler Master v850 SFX GPU: Radeon RX5700 XT (can't remember the exact brand) CPU: Ryzen 5 3500 RAM: 16 gigabytes. Corsair Vengeance sounds like the right one, but I don't entirely remember.

    Not sure if it's important, but I'm also running an Samsung 970 Evo Plus NVME, a Samsung 860 Evo 2.5 inch SSD, some kind of western digital HDD, a Viotek monitor, and a wireless Logitech mouse and keyboard (which aren't Bluetooth, they use receivers.) I've tested without the mouse and keyboard just in case though and the same behavior was exhibited.

    Any help is appreciated. Even if nobody knows what's going on, being a few steps closer to finally solving this would be nice. I'm posting this right before bed though, so I may not see any replies until tomorrow unless I end up too hyper focused on this to sleep.

    EDIT: Issue was fixed on Windows by running "powercfg/a" to check sleep states, which shouldn't have worked, so I think the windows issue was just a fluke since it didn't start until Ubuntu started doing it. Ubuntu's still broken though. Nothing I do fixes it and I suspect there's an incompatibility between it and my motherboard. Probably need to wait for a new kernel update that happens to fix it.

    8

    Why don't I bruise?

    As a kid, I bruised all the time, very easily. Nowadays, I don't bruise at all, with some exceptions. I broke my toe about a week ago, as in literally snapped the bone in half and ended up with one piece almost a centimeter out of alignment. And yet, no bruise. Not even the slightest sign of one. Now, the exception is if I've been drinking. I broke that same toe 2 years ago while I was drunk and it basically turned black.

    I don't know why I would bruise normally when drinking, but never bruise at all when sober. Is it possible I am bruising and it's just not visible for whatever reason?

    15