What's your "Minorities are not a monolith" Moment?

I used to have a gay friend. From what I was feeling he didn't care about pronouns, but I feel like he would like to transition. Anyway we were hanging out with him and couple other friends, and talking about stuff. The friend told about how in his queer discord group chat someone was telling that they are not feeling safe around black people and was calling them n-word.

It feels so weird to me. Like, queer people know what's the oppression should feel like. And that slurs are bad. At first it was really surprising that a minority of one group would use the slur on another.

And the other one is even more depressing. I have a female friend. And she was grouped by a black man. And she also feels okay to use n-word as a way to guard herself or something. And she also was raped by my non binary friend. We are not friends anymore. But I still respect their pronouns. Female friend used to use wrong pronouns on them. Honestly everything after that was a mess. She turned hostile to enby friend and their friends. I thought it was all jokes, but it is so har to read tones in text. Only later, after I found out, it was not jokes. They now don't talk. Enby friend didn't apologize according to her. And from what I heard from enby friend it seems like they actually forgot to do it. She is now blocked by them cuz she would send toxic messages to them. Fast forward two years and she tells me she doesn't believe in "gender theory" and thinks it should be treated like mentall illness. And she says that if she finds good resources, she can change her mind. But fuck. She is bisexual. Shouldn't she also know about struggle of trans people??? Maybe with good persuasion I could change her mind. But like... I am so tired. It feels like we are in the same group, no? lgBTq stands even together. What I am trying to say is that there are bigots, shouldn't we stand together against bigotry?

What I am trying to say is that I am just confused. Opression is bad, shouldn't we satnd together against it? It feels so confusing when we don't.