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Use small instances. I've never had trouble on lemdro.id.
How do I even find other instances? Not trying to sound like a turd, I just legitimately haven't looked into it at all yet
You could use lemmyverse.net to look what instances and communities there are
I think it usually just involves look around the comment sections. People are like "I'm on this instance, it's good blah blah blah."
In my case though I chose lemdro.id because it's an instance that centers around a topic I'm interested in.
At the bottom of every Lemmy page, there is a link in the footer that says "instances". It lists every instances currently federating with this server. Just look at the list and pick something that catch your eye. Note that it lists not just Lemmy instances, but also kbin, mastodon, etc.
The awesome instance list has pretty useful information on instances. You can find it on GitHub.
If lemmy.ml is accepting signups I heartily recommend it.
Or make your own
This is the way.
Don't join big instances. There should be no main instance. Join small instances. Spread the load
That's what she said