working on weaponising my ASD contrariness and defining my anxiety as being a stupid screeching monkey. Note that I am not stupid, the anxiety is a literal panicking monkey pulling on my hair and trying to make me do stupid things. Yes bitch. I am othering you. Because I do not like others trying to make me do shit (panic) that makes no sense because they're idiots who want herd validation for their idiocy.
This is called self awareness. Might be worthwhile to watch Monkey on Netflix. Each of the animal spirits depicted are an aspect of human nature. Monkey is clever but also a bit wild. Clever monkey tries hard to control wild monkey but the nature of monkey is irrepressible. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-SUoHmpRdM
I think I'll watch a version of it. It always makes me a kinder gentler person ( but still ready to fight if I must )
Growth. The naive ultra-pacifist (WHO HAD NO BLOODY PROBLEM INFLICTING AGONY ON MONKEY FOR NOT DOING WHAT THEY WANTED) learns that sometimes battles must be fought