If brands were brutally honest. What brand would have what slogan?

Google's turning into a creepy Santa.
He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake,
he knows when you've turned adblock on, so turn it off for goodness sake.

Google: The World Leader at Shipping the Org Chart.

Alternatively: Oh you like this product? Sucks to be you.

Google: Ok, yea we are evil. You got us. But now we're "Alphabet" so pretend something's changed.