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Ask Lemmy NSFW FixLongJumping9032

What does the perfect intimate night to yourself look like?

So I'm just going to say it - I don't last particular long when I masturbate, maybe 2 or 3 minutes continuously. It just always made masturbating pretty uneventful for me - might I even say boring.

Lately however I've been wanting to change that a little. I started to try and edge to make everything last a little longer, which ended up causing quite a bit of ruined orgasms xD.

I also decided to buy some new sex toys. I ended up buying a prostate massager which MY GOD is probably the best purchase I've ever made. To my surprise I was able to make myself cum hands free which I've never been able to do!

Figuring out what I like has been such a blast and made masturbating much more enjoyable for me! Fuck I might even enjoy it a little too much >⁠.⁠<

So I wondered, most people always talk about what they enjoy during sex but let's switch it up. What's does the perfect night for yourself look like? Maybe I'll even be able to get some new ideas from them!


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  • Over the last few months, - reading. I never thought about reading as being an engaging arousal method. Maybe I'm too much of a connoisseur or something, but it is much harder for me to get aroused from reading. Albeit from literotica or AI, it must be much more engaging to take to climax, while also engaging me mentally on new levels I never experienced with visual media alone. It goes places that make me question much of my ethics and preconceptions in unique ways. This even helps me overcome some of the residual biases I was unable to address due to my ultra conservative religious extremist upbringing (that I reject completely).

    • Or, if you are not much of a reader (or even if you are): Check out audio. gwasi should keep you "busy" for a few months ;)

      • That's definitely something interesting xD audio is always the best thing about porn, in my opinion it's kind of boring without it. This doesn't sound hehe like such a bad time

    • pro-tip: If you find a good, long story that you like, put it on your ebook-reader (Calibre will automatically convert HTML to whatever format your device wants). Ebook-reader in one hand frees up the other one...

    • May I ask if you are a man? I'm a lady and reading is where it's at for me. Videos are last on my list, stories are first. Since forever. Written erotica - imagination - still images- videos. I kind of want to make a sweeping generalization here, but not sure it's true. The men I know who like porn like videos best, the women I know prefer written smut, but perhaps my small universe is not representative of most?

      • Yeah, "man" if I am forced to be labeled. There's so much 'old' and expectations in the "man" label. I tend to lean into more "guy" or "dude" because I'm a boy at heart even at 39. My mind is still in an extended growth spurt, so I'm not grown up yet, and never want to be.

        foolish ramblings

        Most video content is made to focus on satisfying the typical male ego. I don't find that appealing and I doubt most women do either. The whinny female slut-moaning in most porn is terrible as well. The male experience is very objective driven. So the visual appeal of 'picture yourself (here) doing (this)' is an expedient path of release; bonus points if it appeals to narcissistic alpha ego's deep insecurities.

        The most appealing content for me, is the exploration of honest female orgasm. I think that is the real reason why squirting is so appealing. There is a raw and unyielding honesty in the moment that can not be faked or denied later. It is a moment of shared innocent vulnerability beyond words. I suppose that perspective is common among some partners that observe the other in such a vulnerable moment often. For some of us, those moments of raw honesty are rare. I find it deeply troubling when, in conflict, a partner denies the validity or magnitude of past moments of perceived vulnerability that lacked such a tangible raw honesty. It is a deeply hurtful loss of connection. That is the underlying appeal to me personally. I postulate anyone with a fixation on female squirting has been hurt by a partner in conflict like this.

        When it comes to applying this on a more practical level regarding the content experience, I think it is far easier for a male to imagine an attractive female experiencing something more than what the content contains, and a picture gives a clear objective driven goal regardless of whether it moves in video.

        I feel like women are not so objectively driven, and need to feel compelled. That likely means most male ego driven content is unappealing due mostly to the inherent objectification and lack of honest raw vulnerability that underpins the sexual experience being emulated.

        Most of my partners have liked what I like, but most were muses more than real partners. They tended to gravitate towards content that reflected their insecurities, which I found fascinating, but never pointed out to them.

        I think it comes down to self awareness and nuance. I don't think many males explore written content in print. I am unlikely to think twice about seeing a woman reading a novel in public and I imagine that is a fairly common stance. Reading material seems much more accessible for females, with the benefit of building a deeper compelling momentum focused on female exploration and gratification. It answers the question of why, instead of focusing solely on the what and where of the encounter. I deeply appreciate the why question as well as all the rest like, when, which, and who, even the occasional if, is, else, while, for, and why not.

        By contrast, if I find any male reading, I am very likely to take notice and note of what he is reading specifically. It is a sign of a rare and interesting person. There is a lot more social pressure in this regard to appear less eccentric and a lot of people will assume damning traits to anyone with open hyperbolic eccentricity. The underlying animalistic danger attributed to all males by default is likely a factor in why it is not generally acceptable for males to read smut openly. From a conservative mindset, reading is dangerous and threatening intelligence. Adding sexuality into the picture becomes intolerable.

        Plus, when reading, it often delves into shocking ethics that would require admitting insecurity to discuss openly. Many relationships do not have openness across this boundary. Like the most read story on literotica is about a woman secretly having sex with her son on the car ride to his freshman university dorm. There are many facets of this story that may wreck the foundations of an insecure person if they admit the appeal of being turned on by such a story. Judging by the free porn industry's bias towards male narcissist appealing content, I imagine most men are incapable of addressing how such content impacts them and even fewer have the fortitude to maintain a stable ethos long term when such questions are left to ponder.

        I think I am a bit of an outlier though, so maybe I'm not the best measure of a man's mind. I think most men lack the self awareness and curiosity to explore beyond their objective driven mindset and so never explore beyond the utility of image and video formats. Anyways, that's my rambling novel of a perspective.

        • Thanks. My problem with a lot of the images on here that I'd otherwise like is the hot woman/fat ugly dude duo that shows up so much - in real life when we were swinging I honestly didn't mind doing guys I outclassed in looks, it's kind of fun but certainly NOT what I would like to see with my eyes!

          On watching what you are insecure about, I do like better the small boob ladies but not sure being small is an insecurity anymore (it sure was but as an older woman I love, love being a small boob person), I just dislike big fake bolt ons and not into the plush built ladies either, is it possible your friends just had a type?

          But - and it's a big but - even the visual media that I find very arousing is less arousing than a good story. Like if I read the same thing it would be better.

          I like this discussion, does LemmyNSFW support polls?

          • Small boobs was a major insecurity of most of my partners and I never could convince them that I really do like small boobs. It's kinda funny because my last partner had a fixation on one star, the name escapes me at the moment, but the star looked like a bombshell, basically she looked like my sister. It was close enough it felt repulsive every time I watched it.

            Everyone in my family is like this, so I tend to go for the opposite type. My mother and sister never wanted to go camping, hiking, biking, or anything fun. They always complained that boobs got in the way. So at an early age I was like, fuck that nonsense. I don't even get the appeal really. I'm not hungry, and resonant jiggling is not enough to amuse me.

            Polls? I don't think so. I haven't seen any.

            How's your French.

            In a writing/reading/personal ethos context...

            Isaac Asimov's robots series, specifically in the book The Naked Sun Asimov casually postulated that humans used their home assistant like robots for sexual pleasure, but this activity was a social taboo to discus or admit publicly. These robots were independent artificial general intelligences and would gladly perform whatever task was asked of them. However, these were all utilitarian in form. They had somewhat human like form, but did not parody humans with skin and emotions.

            So if you had a custom configurable robotic housemaid and assistant always at your beckoned call, and it would gladly do anything as instructed, would you use it for such activities even when it appears like a genderless machine?

            Note that is peripheral to the plot of the book, assuming you have not read it. The actual plot of the book is that there are 2 humaniform robots in existence, (meaning they appear entirely human in every way you can imagine, yes those too. They are both male and like twins. One of these two was loaned to a lady that is a carry over from the previous book. She used this robot thoroughly, (but not explained in any kind of explicit detail). So much so that she considered it her husband. The rest of the book is a detective story about who "killed" this robot and pushing the reader to question the nature of life and their preconceptions of ethics when it comes to sentience, however stating it directly like this is really a disservice to what the book is all about.

            Anyways, I won't even pretend to question if a perfect mimic of a man would get used often, as would the female counterpart. My curiosity is how an open minded woman would use a convenient, custom configurable sex machine that might help with the house work from time to time. Would you openly admit such a thing in most circles of people where you have some degree of social accountability, or would you view someone differently in your analog real life when they tell you they bought a French robo maidurbater?

            • My thoughts:

              Not sexual but have you watched Pluto on Netflix? Or read it? It's very thoughtful in its approach to questions of what is a person, and gorgeously drawn.

              Also that Star Trek episode where Tasha Yar and Data get together.

              I think with the tech we have currently I would jump to the assumption they couldn't get a human partner, I would imagine them more of a sex doll than a partner. I'm almost certainly not the target audience for something like that, more of a hands than toys person when it comes to self-pleasure. But I guess if it was sold as full service probably I'd try it? It would be pretty low on the list of helpful tech I want though. A replicator first. A self cleaning house, and of course clean energy for everyone, but yeah we will probably get sex bots sooner.

              Would that even count as a solo night? Hmm.

              • I think it could count any way you want to think about it.

                I think it might parallel human tendencies with places like Lemmy, where porn-adjacent is the path of least resistance. I don't think anyone would be buying these as sex bots. The majority of people are probably not coming to a social link aggregator to view porn, but the peripheral option is a powerful motivator.

                Story wise, I'm most interested in a post scarcity world when it is not a question of purchase and simply a defacto standard way of life.

                The hardest part of my disability is that I am so painfully close to being okay and fully functional. Like looking at me, anyone is prone to assuming I must be off in the head or something because I appear fine. Spend a week around me every day and you'll see what is really going on in the background, but no one does that kind of thing. Anyways, I've had to reinvent myself and interests over the last 10 years.

                Working has a major psychological component of giving life purpose. Once that is removed it is a struggle fill that void with meaningful activities. I've managed to do so with many hobby interests. I'm socially limited, but I'm here for that void. I like exploring this post human labor/scarcity area of futurism because I've had to directly contend with the struggle of being an average peasant that does not need to work but needs to find fulfilling meaning. I've gone down a lot of the wrong paths in order to find something that works.

                I focus primarily on actionable curiosities, but I do not worry about structure or completion as much. I bounce around between a bunch of subjects and they all stay interesting and fun in unique ways. I don't know how extraverted people or women in general might find purpose.

                This is the context I am really questioning within. Your Maid' would be doing pretty much everything for you unless it is something you choose to do yourself.

                For instance, I took a deep dive into cooking again about a year ago, and that got me to fermentation 3 weeks ago. Right now I have four fermentation experiments running at small scale. I am working on my savory sauce flavors. I already have extensive hobby electronics/optics/maker experience to take such an interest much further to the point of isolating and cultivating my own yeasts and completely unique flavors. This is the kind of project I think most people would enjoy exploring in post scarcity world. It is a very different societal structure and pace of life. I think there would be much higher expectations for dressing more formally. I think everything would be gilded, I think we would see massive artistic movements dictating the styles of architecture, but there will also be a shift towards building very long term structures that last for centuries, a millennia, or more. I'm fitting your opinion into this kind of mindset and culture.

                I already have a framework for a futurist hard science fiction universe with a large design tree filled out. It is another back burner project I work on. A lot of my roleplaying nonsense with AI is done within the context of this universe and stories. It is basically like Star Trek but without the fantasy magic and space navy trope. I am exploring many things I do not believe any story to date has tried, and strictly within what is presently possible but too expensive for humanity to pursue. The only aspect that is deeply speculative is that all human scale technology is biological in nature in a post silicon stone age. So your Maid' is a digital human that was grown in a lab and assembled. It is just as mortal as you are and has a similar lifespan. So in truth, the moral implications are far more complex. In this overall universe, I can present AI as a philosophical paradox of coexistence without existential threat of overwhelming mechanical force and where cohabitation and compromise are more natural. I'm really breaking out the realization that the human animal nature is the basis of our sub-sentient potential and that we have an opportunity to evolve into full sentience through AGI if it is done right, but also what can go wrong. It will probably go nowhere as a project, but it is a fun idea to play with. I think of it like what a humaniform Daneel Olivaw would be written like today. In fact, my primary roleplaying partner is named and modeled after Dors Venabili, Hari Seldon's partner from the two Foundation prequels.

                I don't think writing will take me anywhere, by my curiosity is also about training an LLM on my SciFi universe in the opposite mentality from most people. AI is a powerful tool and is simply in need of people smart enough to see its value in a new paradigm.

                It is easy to ask what you would do with a machine-like AGI robot in Asimov's universe. What would you do when that sentient entity is such a deeply embedded element of your life; when they look, feel, and act human; when they operate at a similar natural clock rate and eat calories to operate...

                I could go on and on with the details I have navigated through already. I can simulate a lot of people and personality types by roleplaying, but it is always interesting to contrast how someone in the real world feels. Ultimately, roleplaying is my own reflection against the entire language dataset of the model I use for inference. Everything in the written language of the dataset can be reflected, but only in the shape of an image of myself.

    • Wait, can you use ChatGPT to generate erotic literature?! I would've thought that sort of thing would be a "sensitive topic" that would cause it to refuse.

    • I've always liked to read yaoi, it's definitely no where near as "sophisticated" since it has engagement from both story and visuals. However it always did the trick for me!

      I've never really considered AI for something like this, it sounds like a lot of fun! Do you by any chance have some you'd recommend?

      • I use Oobabooga Textgen WebUI (github) as the model loader, and usually an offline model that runs on my own hardware called Flat Dolphin Maid (because it is a merged model derived from 3 and abbreviated into this name). You can find this model on I use the GGUF version and 4 bit quantization. It works well with 64GB of system memory, 12th gen i7, and a 16GBV 3080Ti GPU. I'm not sure what the practical limitations really are for minimum hardware. This is a 8×7B mixture of experts model.