trying to understand you

i kept thinking i'd hear from you. but now i'm anxious. my stomach is in knots. where are you? i want to know that you're okay, and more than okay. i want to be able to talk to you again, but i don't know if i'll ever get that chance. please just give me some kind of sign that you've heard me.

once upon a time, i had other interests. i used to read a lot. i used to spend time learning new things. but lately, i've been consumed by trying to understand you. instead of reading new things when i have free time, i find myself poring over the old things you've written, trying to discover and decipher every last trace of meaning. i wouldn't be surprised if half the things i inferred from your words were mere confabulations. but i can't really know either way now because we're lightyears away from each other and still travelling so fast away from the place where we collided, propelled by the force of that impact.

please let me know you're okay.