So you are calling me a monster because of a medical condition that I cannot help? Excuse my literal autism diagnosis, just trying to understand what your saying.
Well most monsters can't help being monsters either. "I'm a vampire and I don't want to be" is a VERY established trope that really saw a surge in popularity in the 90s. That trope is also at the very core of the werewolf myth, and it's present in zombie stories too. You know, the survivor who hides their zombie bite and gets everyone else killed through their hubris. They didn't choose to be bitten by a zombie, but they did choose to harm others through their actions. Like you! You're a monster movie trope.
I oppose violence in all forms. You ending your life would be a violent act, just as you paying to have animals killed so you can eat them is a much greater violent act.