Maybe you've also absorbed your beliefs from people around you, maybe not. I'd recommend you read this essay by comrade ziq, give it a thought factcheck it if you want to. I find standing in support of the states or atleast the supposed ideologies of the states that have done terrible things (that at least don't fit in my ideology of tolerance) to among others, queer people and other leftists, very distasteful and repulsive. It's not that we say "fuck tankies" for giving food to homeless people, that's not an uniquely tankie thing. It's the tanks yall.