How did you decide it was time to have kids?
How did you decide it was time to have kids?
I've always been a fencesitter when it comes to having kids. I'm getting to a point where I think I'd like to have a kid. I don't know if it's because I really want one, or there's just nothing major left on the list of life accomplishments and it's a societal expectation.
The thing is, I can think of a million and one reasons not to have one and can't put into words why I would want one. However, I'm starting to have a nagging feeling that I want to start trying. I just don't know if that feeling is something I actually want, or just society telling me I should.
It doesn't help that I don't have a lot of small children I regularly interact with, so I honestly don't have a clue what life would look like after kids, beyond it being a lot of stress and hard work. It also doesn't help my spouse says it's my choice and they'll go along with whatever I want .
Any advice or things that helped you know it was the right choice/time for you to expand your family?
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I've always been a fence sitter as well, and for the longest part of my life I was kinda certain I didn't want any kids, but in hindsight that was mainly because the women I was with had no interest either. When I met the mother of my daughter, very early on in the relationship she straight up asked me if I could see myself as a parent at some point in the future. I said yes because that's the truth. I could just as well not see myself as a parent, but it wasn't a clear no.
Our daughter was born in the fifth year of our relationship. We would have loved to spend another couple of years just as the two of us, but she's several years older than me and approaching her 40s, so her biological clock was ticking. So we sat down and had a long talk about whether we actually wanted to do this. I've never been the most ambitious fella out there, and if there's an easy or comfortable way of doing something I'm likely to take it. With this topic though I didn't want to live the rest of my life thinking in the back of my head that my kid didn't get born because it would have been outside of my comfort zone. So we went and tried and my gf got pregnant within two months. Our daughter is 7 months now and a wonderful little drooling ball of energy and we love her to death. With all the uncertainty that comes with having a child, one thing is certain though: we don't want a second one :D
Ehh even that might change.
Nature has a way of making parents forget about how hard it was. At the end of the day, that’s really the goal for all sexually reproduced life…be fruitful and multiply.
Usually after you get past potty training, get into a bit of a lull in toddler mood swings. That quiet period between terrible 2s and a threenager.
Then you and your partner see an infant. Usually a niece/nephew. Sometimes a close friend. And you both swoon. And that’s the first symptom of baby fever.
Once you’re exposed it is difficult to shake, and more difficult if you are cohabitating with another carrier. Repeated exposure results in longer and longer recovery times.
Baby fever can only be cured by producing a baby, but its effects can be prevented. Ask your doctor about Vasectomies today.
A vasectomy is definitely something we're considering, but just in case the baby fever should ever hit us again, my girlfriend will be over 40 by then and that's too old for comfort (I know plenty of women even older than that have healthy, happy babies, but still), and also we simply aren't in a position to afford a second one :D
I know, my step-MIL had her last in her mid-40s. She had GD and he was born 13lbs and natural, and oh will she let you know about that. Which is especially embarrassing now that he’s old enough to take to the bar.
Point is they aren’t always entirely planned. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you about the specifics.
Two months of actively trying is pretty good. We were at 1 of honestly trying, only because her Aunt showed up on our honeymoon. But we were certainly more cautious (“don’t be a dummy…”) between “stopping the pill” and “trying not to be pregnant in a wedding dress” and “trying to actually start the family”
Yeah, was almost a bit too fast for our liking, didn't really leave us time to get used to the idea. My gfs gynecologist was really surprised when she showed up pregnant, said she had expected her in a year or so :D Nice early reminder that kids don't care for your plans.
Second took us almost a year.
We just got over a bout of baby fever. Followed immediately by what looked like a really faint positive. Followed by “wtf were we thinking we can’t handle a third”.
Fortunately no other test gave us that scare.
I’m sure the fever will return though. We’ve got a 1 year old nephew, one of her friends just had their fourth and one of our best friends is expecting her third. My wife has seven (step|half|full) siblings in their 20s and 30s. Nearly half of them have no kids, and almost all of the rest are single guys in their “spread your wild oats” years. It’s unavoidable.