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Warning: anxiety frustration rant.
Well, eldest was supposed to go to school today but had so much anxiety overnight he hardly slept. I got up a few times overnight and he was awake almost every time, laying there worrying, trying to cope. He told me he feels like his world is all crumbling apart. We've moved him back to weekly sessions to try to help him cope. I feel so frustrated for him. Miniest was woken frequently during the night by all this and is exhausted this morning so staying at home too. I'm on the bus going to work and I feel kind of flat inside. When I was a kid my homelife was so shit that being bullied at school was an escape lol. I learnt to dissociate from a really young age. Nothing seems to be consistently working at the moment, and I feel like that mum in The Babadook.
Edit: Mr P got up , had a smoke and went back to bed after learning that he didn't really have to take anyone anywhere or do anything, and I'm jealous of him. When I wasn't working I had time to support everyone and the kids had no problems. I know it's not my fault, having to go out and earn the family income, but it makes me feel hollow somehow and I feel like it is.
Good call on not forcing him to go. Just keep working with his mental health team, figuring this stuff out takes time as an adult I imagine its nearly impossible as kid.
Thanks Tiny.
Edit: you're right about it being hard enough for adults let alone a child, I've known quite a few people who just never managed it and fell into substance abuse or alcoholism.
Mini will be okay, school is school and it isn't the be all end all for his life. It sucks so bad that you're holding them all together, and barely have time for yourself. You are amazing, kind, strong, and overall beautiful. You are doing great! You're being an awesome mum! I'm sorry it's all crazy at the moment, but your kids love you, and so do we!
Completely agree. You give a shit about your kids and your family, and from your posts here it sounds like you're doing a bloody amazing job at keeping the show on the road in some trying circumstances.
I don't have advice on how to make things better or easier, I'm still working out this parenting gig for myself and my son is only four-and-a-half going-on-thirty, but I know that you've got this, you rock.
Thanks mystic, I really appreciate the kind words. I read everyone's responses quickly whilst shoveling my lunch down and it made me feel so positive and optimistic. Parenting is so hard, as you know, but when you manage to navigate through some choppy seas you feel like a king!
Aww thanks Spud! I think the mornings especially get to me sometimes, and feeling overwhelmed turns into feeling flat and defeated 😔 not a great way to bounce into the day!
so many hugs
if possible throw as many household jobs Mr P's way, even if it's just organising the kids
Thanks Seagoon 💜
It's so hard when you just want to make it better for your kids and you can't. It's hard too when you don't feel like you have consistent support from the people around you. But you're more than doing your bit, and someone does have to bring home the bacon and keep a roof over heads but I get it, its the hardest job on earth and I see you.
Thanks Eagle, it's nice to feel seen 😌
It sounds like Mr P is volunteering for impromptu homeschooling and childcare duties
Edit: Is it possible to get some of those Naplan math workbooks and the like so he isn't falling behind? I dunno, taking the view that it might be a low pressure way for him to face the schoolwork at home on his own terms, and ease the shock when he goes back. You can also point at them as tangible proof you're doing something
That's a great idea, thanks Melba. I have seen those NAPLAN books around in the past but haven't connected their presence to our current situation in a useful way 💡🙆🏼♀️
No worries, I hope it helps him keep his hand in without overwhelming him. They look expensive at Officeworks but a bit cheaper on Thrift Books. Perhaps you can find some old ones on Ebay, or free legal PDFs? Perhaps by getting past papers from tutoring sites or some such. I googled 'naplan books pdf free legal' and saw stuff like that but I'm not sure which are legit. There's also 'free study material for homeschooling australia' to try.
If all else fails there used to be Educational™️ computer games. When I was little they used to be things like Math Blaster or Lost Secret Of The Rainforest but surely there's something more modern.
Also seriously work together with the school and see if you can get some leeway on this (if you haven't already) because unless he's attending or being homeschooled there could be strife. Even if Mr P is feeling really unwell he could rest on the couch while Eldest works his way through something, and Eldest can get a reward for each completed page. (The reward heavily depends on his age.)
But even if Mr P can do that much definitely access social workers and/or respite care in any way you can, whether it be through the council, Human Services, or Peter Mac. Perhaps see if one of Miniest's friends can sometimes have her over for sleepovers to give you and her a break. You're going through some heavy stuff and nobody is meant to do this much alone.
You might also be eligible for help at home
Thanks Melba! I love how you do your research on a response. I'm lucky in that the school aren't concerned about the academic side of things at all. Their focus is just to get him to the school at this stage. The student welfare person and his therapist came up with a plan where he's just coming to school, having a chat with the wellbeing team member and then going home. They're aiming for 3 days a week where he does this, at the moment. The goal is to successfully have him do this at least once before the school holidays, so they're really prepared to take "baby steps" with it.
No worries. That's so good that a low pressure way has been found to step back in