Dating, Relationship Advice, Personals

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> 1. If someone told you you're a lot like your partner, would this be a compliment to you? > > 2. Would you want your future or imagined child to date your partner? > > 3. Are you truly fulfilled or just less lonely? > > 4. Are you able to be unapologetically yourself or do you feel the need to show up differently to please your partner? > > 5. Are you in love with your partner right now as a whole, or are you only in love with their good side or with the potential or idea of them?

Man these are some hard-hitting questions which I feel may or may not apply to Asian-centric countries because we just have too many different social and cultural expectations and roles to fulfill. The above feels like it can only be a resounding yes if you are in an absolute perfect relationship, which feels like it's more the exception than the rule. What even is a perfect relationship nowadays anyway?

I think having some "no"s to the above doesn't absolutely mean your relationship or partner is no good though; although I am absolutely guilty of number 5. Don't date someone hoping they would change for you, bbs.

My friend (24F) is dating a Bangladeshi (25M), his nationality still Bangladesh and they plan to get married. Relationship : less than a year. My friend is crazy marriage girl, like she is obsessed with wedding or being a housewife. She left her current bf at that time for this Bangladeshi man. This man was aware too that at that time, she has a bf. I actually dislike this man not because of his race but because he openly told my friend when she was still dating her current bf that my friend deserve to be in a relationship with 2 guys at the same time (him) and at that time current bf. However, he is a Muslim and she is a Christian. She doesn't want to convert to Muslim, and he doesn't want to convert to Non-Muslim (I don't know if it is legal In Bangladesh - Please educate me) I told her in Malaysia, it is not gonna work. She said if they have children she is willing to register herself as a single parent mom. I don't know how great is this Bangladeshi man that she is wiling to do that. Of course, I against it, willing to risk herself being abandoned by a man with KIDS, without any legal agreement ties. And she said that they will get married in Thailand, under his recommendation, I said it doesn't matter, getting married anywhere, still the marriage certificate would not be legalized in Malaysia. And then, after a few months, he said that they can get married in Bangladesh, Bangladesh support cross marriage, I was wondering why he wasn't being transparent at first. But nvm, so, She said she wanted to get married in Bangladesh, without converting of course (I don't know if cross marriage between Muslim and Christian is LEGAL in Bangladesh - anyone who knows please educate me ) but doesn't want to live there either, she wants to reside in Malaysia.

> only for those who are single and looking for something long term > >Frustrated with girls who flake and ghost even if you put a lot of effort, or even those who are just there for validation with no intentions to meet up? Trying to find someone who is actually on the apps for the right reasons? You are not alone, it happens even to the most attractive of guys. Good news? There is an effective way to weed out a huge number of them, albeit not totally. Here is what worked for me: > > 1. First of course start with a good opener, don’t try too hard but don’t give a basic ‘hi’ either > > 2. Keep the convo length from 10 messages from your end, don’t try to text all week like how many do, keep it interesting > > 3. Within those 10 messages, ask what their intentions are on the apps. When you hear stuff like “I don’t know see how it goes” or “just bored”… Yeah a high chance the person isn’t there for anything serious. Make sure you guys are on the same page, because women who are actually there for the right reasons want someone who is upfront about what they want from the apps > > 4. When the vibe is right, straight up ask for a phonecall, if she doesn’t feel comfortable doing it, then substitute by asking for her phone number (girls who are truly into you will give you their phone number) and continue from there > > 5. Once the call is great, then ask for a meetup > >Why I say keep it short and ask for a call? Because girls who are really into you won’t hesitate to call, and truth be told many people regardless of gender are just on the apps for validations or something not serious. But it isn’t impossible to find someone with the right things in mind, this is one of the tactics that has worked for me.

Taken from r/Malaysians, credits to u/TaylorFritz!

This question was asked to a group of nyets and it honestly bothers me how I couldn't say yes immediately for myself, haha (?).

For context, my teammate (F, 31) is interested to get to know another colleague from a different team (M, 28). The guy is definitely single and doesn’t reject the idea of a relationship (got to know as another teammate helped to ask). FYI, the guy has an introverted personality.

I’m not sure how to help convey my teammate’s feelings to the guy (like help to set a meet up, ask if he’s interested etc), without making it feel awkward for the both of them, should the guy is not interested in my teammate. Any suggestions?

For me, in terms of look. Just decent is a swipe.

My absolute no: blurry, heavily edited pictures

My relative no :

too many active sports photos. One gym photo. And then rock climbing photos and then hiking photos. Yeah no. I'm too tired for all that. I go to gym too but just one photo is enough?

Clubbing photos. Just not my kind of fun. Too loud. Not my kind of music. and I'm too shy to dance in public.

I'm a big fan of Indian Matchmaking, and have also recently finished watching Jewish Matchmaking. Here are a few takeaways:

1. These shows focus on a very specific culture, where a key feature is not having to explain to a potential partner the complexities of their culture.

2. Most people who engage a matchmaker are serious about getting married and having kids. A small percentage are in the "see what happens" demographic.

3. I like how you present your list of requirements and expectations upfront.

4. Even when most of your requirements are there, it could still lack chemistry and fail. A majority of the matches you see on screen don't appear to have lasted past the TV show.

Would you consider engaging a professional matchmaker? Have you done this? What are your thoughts or experiences?

1. Kali Kai (Curry Chicken) A love bite. Yeah I don't know why either.

2. Fah Sum (Flower Heart) Heart that strays.

3. Yat Geok Dap Liong Shvn (One Leg on Two Boats) Two-timer!

4. Bei Yan Fei (Let People Fly) Got dumped :(

5. Kam Kuai (Golden Tortoise) Basically a rich bachelor

6. Kam Yv Lou (Gold Fish Seller/Guy) A pedo, yes a pedo.

7. Siong Chong (Up Bed) Fuck. It means fuck.

Don't come at me I speak canto growing up but I am pretty banana coz I can't read or write chinese so could be wrong!

>Heya, June here :) I'm triilingual and love fusion food. Work's been a snoozefest lately due to some complications that remains to be fixed, so I'm super bored. If anyone wants to chat or get to know each other, hit me up – I could really use some friendly company! > >My interests? Oh, I'm all about video games, painting, movies or music – these keep my spirits high! To those who message me, sorry if I can't get back to everyone! > >Don't just say hi, give me something to work with, and let's have a blast chatting!

Syke, no pics here! ;P (also not necessary just to be clear!)

This is just an example of what a personals ad could look like!

Format goes like this: [Age] [Gender]4[Gender] [area] - [a short description]

So a guy looking for a girl would look like this: 31 [M4F] KL

A girl looking for all genders would look like this: 33 [F4A] Ipoh

Also, this doesn't necessarily have to be romantic, it could be for people just looking for online friends/companions too!

Also, I would like to use this opportunity to put out feelers about events I've been thinking of having which is perfect for smaller communities like ours:

3 vs 3 Blind Dates!

Anyone interested can PM me to sign up (via anonymous forms, I won't even need to know your username), I only need to know your gender and sexual preferences.

Basically, three guys, three girls, public setting, getting to know each other. First and foremost, I actually see this more as a getting to know more people thing, so I'm still hesitant to call it a blind date tbh. I haven't really figured out the actual dynamics of it yet, but I feel like it has potential! Let me hear feedbacks if any, as well as safety precautions!

Have you guys ever went through a LDR before?

My last relationship is a 1500km distance one. At first we both believe we can work it through, and she also reassure me it's worth it(my first relationship, but not for her), but whoop, in the end a tons of problem surfaced and it just doesn't work, so she breakup with me. That actually sour the whole relationship thing for me and i find myself having worsening trust issue since then.

Will i do it again? Yeah! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ (but actually idk but maybe still yes lol)

Back when I was still swiping, I seem to have more younger men swipe on me rather than older or even equal age. Is there a reason why? Boys who knows unker a little, do you think my personality may throw off older men?

Never really considered speed dating before, but MYR 135 sounds reasonable especially when parts of it goes to a worth cause!

*not sponsored waiting one of yall to sponser unker

And to single nyets, are you in the "move-in together as soon as you can afford to" camp, or "delay it even when you already can coz reasons" camp?

Living habits play a huge role in cohabitating happily in the long term personally. Having fun and enjoying each other's company won't have much mileage if you can't stand each other's living habits!

For some, you may live together way longer than you'd be in love with each other even >.>

Sharing a home together also gives you an idea on how responsible, proactive, clean and how well they manage and balance chores, duties, and time together. In my (limited) experience, most people who has never lived on their own, generally do not take the initiative or have the know how to fix, improve and maintain a house. I suppose that's not important for some.. but for me who's always taken care of her own space and prioritises on efficiency, I have my way of doing things and living together first can help us optimise ourselves to each other, or it can also highlight just how incompatible we might be. If anything, I'd say this is just as important to a relationship as any, if not the most.

So, for you non-single nyets: any inputs? How soon did you guys move in?

Can't exactly showcase my personality at first sight now can I? T.T

I've been fed with 'just be yourself', it's ok about your body size and people will love you for who you are. People aren't that superficial bla bla bla. Seriously a big fuck you to those people who said that, I was naive and believe that. Yeah it's comforting to hear but is it what I need? It makes me being pathetic and It gets me no where for many many years.

Why don't people being realistic to me and say something like you're ugly you need to work on yourself, brush up your game, get in shape, be financially stable, be mentally healthy? I was miserable and friends around me are like 'just be yourself', 'you are perfect as you are'??? I get that friends I had don't want to hurt my feeling but in this case I really wish someone would 'hurt' me many years ago so I can improve myself, stop wasting the potential partner I encountered

Sorry about the rant, I need to get this off my chest, I'm currently in better place now and start seeing people.

as in actively, because of loneliness? trying out something new? Family pressure? love at first sight?

ChatGPT: Here are some affordable indoor date (unker: yes I prompted indoors, outdoors only work if the weather is not hot, or if I can get away with wearing almost nothing, or you know, in a four season country) ideas in the Klang Valley area, all below MYR 100:

>1. Have a movie night at home

unker: Mayyyyybe third date, but certainly not first! Also ChatGPT, you're way too loose as a woman if your first suggestion is Netflix & Chill!

>2. Plan a DIY spa day: Create a spa-like ambiance at home with scented candles, relaxing music, and aromatic oils. Take turns giving each other massages, facial treatments, or foot soaks.

unker: This works if you live alone, but also scary if you do live alone.. and I will NOT let a man give me facial treatments (unless..)!!

>3. Cook a romantic dinner together: Instead of going out, prepare a delicious meal together at home. Choose a recipe you both love and enjoy the process of cooking and sharing a homemade dinner.

unker: Actually this doesn't sound too bad! And also can observe working styles. Are you the clean-as-you-go type of person or the leave-the-mess-for-later type?

>4. Have a themed game night: Pick a theme for your game night, whether it's classic board games, card games, or even video games. Prepare some snacks and beverages, and have fun competing or cooperating in various games.

unker: For the introvert, it's nice to have something else to focus on while spending time together so yeah this sounds great too, but why all also have to be in someone's house eh. Well actually can just go to a board game cafe. Recently found one near Sunway, where you just buy one drink and you can play all their games, no time limit!

>5. Explore a local bookstore or library: Spend a cozy afternoon browsing through books together at a local bookstore or library. Share recommendations, read excerpts, or pick a book to read together.

unker: This actually sounds good too! Libraries especially (totally not because of AC). A book to read together? Bro that's actually pretty romantic suggestion. Okay A+ for this one ChatGPT.

>6. Take a scenic walk in a park: Visit a nearby park or botanical garden and take a leisurely stroll together. Enjoy the fresh air, beautiful surroundings, and the chance to have meaningful conversations.

unker: Eh this one not indoors also. But evening walks in a dog park, that I can get into!

>7. Have a picnic indoors: Create an indoor picnic by spreading a blanket on the floor and packing a basket with your favorite snacks, sandwiches, and fruits. Enjoy a cozy picnic right in your living room.

unker: Is it still special if that's already what I do on my own? I actually like sitting on floors at home, so I mean, I have the upperhand if anything, ha!

>8. Plan a DIY craft or art session: Get creative together by working on a DIY craft project or painting. You can find affordable art supplies at local craft stores or repurpose items you already have at home.

unker: Easy to prepare and fun. Don't have to do this at your own home either, can find a pondok or a park or something even!

>9. Attend a local community event: Keep an eye out for free or low-cost community events happening in your area, such as art exhibitions, cultural festivals, or live music performances.

unker: Screw dates, I wanna do this with friends too!

>10. Have a karaoke night: Sing your hearts out with a fun karaoke session at home. Use a karaoke app or find karaoke videos on YouTube and enjoy a night of laughter and music.

unker: Uhh.. I can see this working if we are both musically inclined, and one of us plays a musical instrument and we play that instead.

5/10 for me, that's not too shabby actually!

My order from favourite to least favourite:

1. Library Date
2. Cook romantic dinner together (I make a mean mushroom soup, lasagna and brownies, toot toot!)
3. Evening walks in a dog park
4. Themed Game Nights
5. Local community events

The other 5: meh.

ChatGPT aside, the standard dinner dates + gelato isn't too bad for unker either although it can get stale sometimes. I still prefer first dates in public or where we don't need to take the same car (for safety purposes) though.

What's your usual go to casual date ideas with the least advanced planning needed (like needing to get art supplies first, although I suppose that can also be a part of the date too!), if any?

I've actually been wondering about this for a while. Realised this is a really good place to ask!

So when you're dating someone in Malaysia. How often do you like to check in with your partner? How much is too much or too little?

I'm a pretty independent nyet so once every couple days feels about right for me. And maybe share some funny link if it pops up. Any more and I start feeling this slightly smothering obligation hanging in the air. But I've heard a pretty wide range on what people think is normal / makes them insecure. Like some couples wish each other good morning and good night every single day kinda thing. (But also some couples wear 100% matching outfits when they go out. Pls just let me die instead)

Okay lemme preface this by saying unker hyatt is also not the best at this. I'm in my early 30s (F), I'm not that great at small talk, I don't have fire one line starters (please share if you do, PLEASE), and I'm also really bad at returning texts, but when I am present, I am present, so take what I write here with a pinch of salt; it's mostly anecdotal but if anyone can relate, please validate my experience T.T

1. The handsome offshore engineer or pilot from foreign country type These have got to be bots, right? I've never stuck around to find out, but they often have very short bios and have horrible English despite coming from majority English-speaking countries.

2. The level 40++ wizard type Personally, I think I prefer having someone that has some relationship experience at my age. I don't think I have the energy to deal with the training wheels all over again and to be honest, I feel like men who's lived alone all this while would find it hard to have their routine, space and privacy disturbed. They've probably also settled in taking care of themselves that mentally it might not occur to them to extend the same care to their special other, especially after when the honeymoon period ends. Either that or they put you on a pedestal on the account of being ✨ female ✨, which in itself is very very uncomfortable. Please touch some grass.. These types are also more likely to mansplain stuff to you, and somehow have developed very rigid ideas relating to "man vs women" type of stuff that often comes off very misogynistic, which makes me no longer wonder why they are still single at their age..

3. The dry talking type Why. Like why would you not ask me some things as well? And why are you just answering questions with a yes and a no without elaboration? Why are you even on apps if you chat this way? Do you regret matching with me? Like what is it??

4. The over eager type I'm not sure if this is gender specific, but I have a feeling it could have stemmed from just being jaded using these apps over time. I've had some chats where they just straight up ask to meet up from like the first or second chat. As an introvert I would hate to meet up with someone I haven't made sure we at least have something in common yet. Is it just me? I think it's super aggressive, or worse, it could be a MLM meeting!

5. The no respect for privacy type "Can I have your number? What company do you work for? Where do you live?" Bro...

6. The want to hampsap but don't dare to hamsap all the way type "Wow, your dress is so gorgeous.. hugs you in all the right places.. especially your.. 😋"

7. The terus hamsap all the way type "Greetings, here is my dick."

8. The condescending type "Aren't you flattered?" Uh, no. Bad way to start any sort of relationship when you make the other party feel like you threw them a bone.

9. The time traveler's wife type This one I am guilty of. Sure no one is "bad" at texting, but I'm really bad at checking my dating apps when there isn't any exciting chatter. I am also busy, but honestly I'm not even sure I would even if I wasn't. I've also had really nice chats where the guy replies like, in two days or more. That coupled with my own shitty tendencies pretty much sealed the fate of whatever potential that date could have I guess :/ When he does reply, I try my best to chat as much as I can because I don't know when is the next time we could again as soon as he disappears 😂

10. The bio don't match experience type I'm not that great at small talk (in fact I hate it with a vengeance..) so I often start with information gleaned from their profile. Kinda weird sometimes when I refer to their job or something they said they enjoy doing and getting a "huh?". I'm still not quite sure what to make of it...

So yup, that's mostly my experience on dating apps so far. I've since taken a break from dating apps and choosing to take it easy instead. I dunno, it feels shallow and empty, and starting to feel like a chore at times.. and I'm not even doing it often, lol. I've met guys irl that I would have loved to date which I might not have swiped on from an app, and vice versa. I think meeting people in an organic setting feels more authentic, with or without romantic expectations. Just making friends, and just friends, feels way more satisfying tbh which was what I have been doing on the sub so far.

Now that we're on a new platform.. well I guess we'll see if I can make some here too :)

Anyone care to share what are your experiences? Do you think it's the same for all genders?