Serial Experiments Lain

■Lda080 (16A-9)

Misato-chan was absent from school. It wasn’t like I was completely alone, but it was a bit lonely. Club activities were also kind of lonely, so I left early. Even though I had the present I went through such trouble to get on me. I hope Misato-chan comes to school tomorrow.

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■Lda079 (16A-3)

But oddly, expensive presents are bad, aren’t they? After all, we’re both still middle schoolers.

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■Lda078 (16A-2)

I went to see Touko-san after school ended because Father requested that I give a souvenir to her. Touko-san was sick or something, so the atmosphere was a little unusual. I didn’t open the bag the present was in. I’m tired…

I wonder what was inside…Maybe cosmetics…Mother also got things like cosmetics, and an expensive-looking bag. Maybe I’ll wear makeup someday too…

Makeup on my face won’t look good, though. People like Misato-chan have a grown-up feeling to them, so it’d definitely good on them, right?

Ah, Father said he still had a souvenir left over, so I can also get something from him for Misato-chan.

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■Lda077 (16A-1)

I wonder what Father was smiling at…I had changed myself, and I wonder if that made other people change too…

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■Lda076 (16A-0)

Father came home. I talked to him about everything. About myself, about my club activities, about Misato-chan. I kept talking and talking until Mother said, “Please tell him tomorrow, because your father is very tired,” and I wonder if my Father had grown tired. But he grinned as he listed to me.

He had bought a stuffed bear for me. It was cute and had big eyes. I wonder what I should call him…hmm…

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■Lda075

I appeared online. Even though I hadn’t done something like that up until now. Why?

But since I don’t need to go online again, I’ll be sure not to access the Wired again for a while, since for the time being I wrote an email to Mr. Rabbit to let him know. Things will go smoothly for my trouble.

It’ll be alright, lain, okay? I won’t be alone again.

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■Lda074 (15A-16)

I really don’t need to force myself to smile.

That’s who I am.

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■Lda073 (15A-23)

When I went to visit Touko’s place to show her a picture I drew of her, the security guardsman told me she was away on business. She must be busy, huh…

Father should be coming home very soon, so I’ve been feeling pretty good lately. Since I haven’t been seen there in a while, I think I’ll try going online. Since I haven’t been contacting Mr. Rabbit, I should thank him for helping me.

When I’m positive, I’m pretty cute.

Heehee.

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■Lda072 (15A-9)

Am I overdoing this? I’m not forcing myself, right?

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■Lda071 (15A-8) I wonder if Misato-chan is tough…I’ve been absent but she seems okay…Is she disappointed in me? I want her all to myself, don’t I? Perhaps she has friends other than me and I’m just hogging her to myself? She’d probably hate that…I’m just suspicious…

I’m becoming hated again.

During club activities, together with the upperclassmen, we bought sketchbooks at the paint supply store. The pastels were really cute, and we bought rough sketchpads together. When I draw before dinner, Mother scolds me, though. It seems like it smells alright…I don’t think I hate smells like that…

I should work hard at my studies and my club activities. FIGHT, lain! Just kidding!

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■Lda070 (15A-15)

In spite of me trying particularly hard not to be absent, I got a headache, and when that became apparent, I took the day off. When mother left for work, I was all by myself.

Even though I’m being relatively calm compared to that time in elementary school, why is this time so much more painful and lonely? I wonder if it’s because of Misato-chan.

I think I’ll try calling Father. But he might be mad because international calls are expensive.

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■Lda069 (15A-14)

Misato-chan does something very important for me. We’re always together. If Misato-chan was absent, I’d be very lonely, wouldn’t she? I wish I had at least one more friend…Would that count as cheating on Misato-chan?

What a selfish way of thinking, huh?

I wonder if Misato-chan would be alright by herself…Tomorrow, if I try to take a day off, I wonder what Misato-chan would think of me…If did a test like that, she’d obviously hate me, wouldn’t she?

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■Lda068 (15A-7)

Misato-chan told me we should be in a club together. Misato-chan is on a different level from me when it comes to music, so she said that she didn’t want to join a music club. The local study group’s members seemed nice, but somehow they seemed a bit off…I wonder if we should really join the art club. I used to like art, so I wonder if doing that will go well…

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■Lda067 (15A-6)

I went to Touko-san’s place and made a report. We talked about nothing but Misato-chan. She said, “You’ve become well, huh?” and that made me feel awkward.

That reminds me, I wonder what club activities Touko-san could have done. It seems like exercise would be her strong point. She definitely told me that she was in America, so it might be different there from Japan.

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■Lda066 (15A-5)

Today, I looked at lots of different club activities with Misato-chan. Misato-chan seemed to be best at exercise; however, I’m really not too great at it, so I wonder if we should look at a cultural club. Misato-chan has played the violin since around when she was little, so maybe she’s in contests a lot. How cool!

She also seems to use computers, but I didn’t tell her that I do. I wanted to keep my Internet activities a secret for some reason. But it’s because I want to be the me that doesn’t attend to the Internet.

These club activities seem to be all over the place, aren’t they?

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■Lda065 (14A-21)

Somehow, I feel like everything will go well. I have a friend now, so it’s going to be okay. Ah, I wish Father would come home soon!

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■Lda064 (14A-20)

I was happy that Mother came to my graduation ceremony. I sighed in relief when there also weren’t the same kids in my class as in my elementary school. The homeroom teacher seems nice, and I made a friend, too. But my seat had been decided by the attendance numbers.

Most of the class seems different from last year. I really couldn’t get along with them. But there’s one person I seem to get along with, the person who sits next to me. She’s a quiet person, but I can easily get along with someone like that.

Misato-chan, I hope we can become friends.

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■Lda063 (14A-12)

I’m different from the way I usually am, aren’t I? I’m different.

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■Lda062 (14A-11)

When I brushed my teeth, they started bleeding. I wonder if it’s periodontitis… My teeth used to be healthy…

My mouth is filled with the taste of blood. It’s a tiny bit bitter and I hate the taste. The blood isn’t stopping, so it’s unlikely I’ll be able to go to sleep easily. And then, won’t I be anxious about the welcoming ceremony because of that? I kind of hate this feeling.

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■Lda061 (14A-3)

The welcoming ceremony is drawing near. This time will be different for sure. It’ll be fun, and I’ll be a normal student, and do club activities and things like that. I hope the same kids aren’t in my class.

Mother talked with Father on the phone. Are they worried about me? I’ll be alright. They’re relieved, the two of them, I’m sure of it. It’s been a while since I’ve seen that.

What about my phantom self? Even in spite of that, isn’t there something wrong with my head? I’m sick, but it doesn’t matter if I’m not.

I want to stop.

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■Lda060 (14A-2)

I just don’t get it. Is this strange person an acquaintance of Mr. Rabbit’s? Leave it to me, forget about it all, he says. This is frustrating. I want revenge at all costs. I don’t want to give up in frustration.

I want to forget all that I want to forget. I hate those things.

I hate myself.

Can I do what looks like some kind of magic?

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■Lda059 (13A-20)

I really am the same kind of human being as people who enjoy horrible things and making people feel bad, aren’t I? But am I like that myself?

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■Lda058 (13A-19)

It’s horrible. But there’s nothing I can do. My diary is being read. A copy was made, and an FTP site with a disgusting title was made open to the public. I deleted it, but about 20 people have read it.

How could things end up like this? That’s right, they can do as least as much to me as I can to them. I want to try not to be online for a long time and I want see what happens, but while I do that it might be copied to who knows how many sites.

By the end of the day, my search engine and my deletion bot made its way through the Internet. But what if my opponent made a backup of my diary? Since I’m sure they’re a weird kind of person, they could be making a complete backup.

This is frustrating. I won’t win alone. In spite of my own power. Should I consult with Usagi-san? But I wonder if I’ll be able to manage.

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■Lda057 (13A-18)

I posted his host information publically on a mirror site. But the extension of that image was really strange after all, so they didn’t look. The text also gave them a bad feeling. He really was a criminal, wasn’t he? I started growing anxious. Furthermore, when I posted that person’s personal information, the ID was all wrong.

I’m going to stop myself from doing such things ever again. Doing what others cannot feels good. Am I weird?

What kind of thing is this, making me feel this way?

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■Lda056 (13A-17)

It seemed to be just as I thought. Within two hours of me sending that email, a binary mail came. I thought it’d be okay to look a little; however, it was unmistakably a weird photo, so because decoding it made it infected, it was encoded. I am not to do this again with that person.

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■Lda055 (13A-8)

I’ll come up with a solution by myself. By myself. I should be able to do that by now.

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■Lda054 (13A-15)

Yesterday, I entered the host as I was taught. It was surprisingly easy. They might say I’m a prodigy or something of that sort. When I downloaded the log to investigate, there were tracks left visitors. It went through several sites, seeming to be sent from everywhere there was a BBS. I mailed that person again, and assumed he had set a trap. That person cannot go excused for that kind of thing. I’m not going to give up in frustration.

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■Lda053 (13A-14)

When I told my Internet acquaintances about that mail, Mr. Rabbit taught me how to trace it. If the host logs haven’t been cleared out, I might be able to track the sender.

It’s really a wrong thing to do, but acting like a detective gets my heart racing. Because of the bad things over there, being almost as bad is okay, isn’t it? I’m a bad child after all. I can’t help being able to say that my personality is problematic.

But it’s because I’m weird. Am I weird? Hey, you’re strange, aren’t you, Mr. Rabbit?

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■Lda052 (13A-0)

Mother, are you anxious about me? It’s because I’m so strange. But it’s alright. Because I won’t trouble you, Mother.

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■Lda051 (13A-7)

Today I saw Father off. Mother also seemed lonely. On the escalator, I don’t know how many times she looked back and waved to him.

On the way home, Mother took me to a restaurant. It was very busy and the food was delicious, but I think that tomorrow when it’s just the two of us, it’ll be a little lonely. Mother’s really becoming lonely, and I kind of hate it.

God, I pray that Father comes home safely.

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■Lda050 (13A-6)

Father’s job seems tough. When I grow up, I want to become a person who can work, too. I want to become a person good at living a life of self- confidence, just like my father.

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■Lda049 (13A-5)

Dinner today was lonely. Father’s going away on an extended business trip. He told me so suddenly, and I was so surprised that I couldn’t tell him anything. He said he’d be gone for about two months; however, I had started crying and I couldn’t eat anymore. Father made a sort of worried face, and he hugged me tightly. Tomorrow, I’m going together with Father to the airport to see him off.

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■Lda048 (12A-21)

Today, when I decoded emails that had been sent together, there was a dead baby’s corpse. I still don’t know the sender; however, I wonder if it was from the author of that distasteful game… Opening that email is a little frightening.

But I can’t leave this place. At least, not until I go to middle school and start having a normal life. When I go to middle school, I’ll be busy with lots of things, enjoying myself with friends and all that, so since I might stop coming online, I’ll start studying completely from home from now on.

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■Lda047 (12A-20)

They say today is the start of spring break, but I’ve been on holiday up to now. When I hang around the library and read books on Unix, a boy around university age sits next to me and gives me odd looks. There’s lots of difficult kanji and technical terms and stuff; however, I think I might like things like that. Japanese words and other things are more amusing than arithmetic, so I shouldn’t worry at all. I’m starting to be able to speak a little English, so I can now understand a considerable amount of it, but there’s much more I still don’t understand.

I should try listening to my father next time. But I wonder if my father will be like that boy, and give me a weird look.

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■Lda046 (12A-13)

What does everyone think of me? Does anybody think anything of me?

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■Lda045 (12A-12)

It was my graduation ceremony, but I didn’t want to go. If I’m going to go to middle school, I have to go properly. Absolutely. I promise. I don’t want Mother to worry or anything like that.

She cleaned my clothing for me, didn’t she? Thank you, Mother.

I’m sorry.

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■Lda044 (12A-11)

I’ve started to find online games. My friends told me about a pyramid scheme game, where you sell tickets to your friends to earn money. But I’m not really into it, because whenever you get money, people resent you. Because of that, people who try to kill you appear, and that incites the resentful people. At first, I thought, what kind of game is this? But rather than being afraid of it, I just started getting a bad feeling. I didn’t want to cry.

With the impression the game gave me, I entered the author’s email address, and I sent my honest impressions by mail. Where I am now seems to be polluted, and somewhat lonely. I don’t like places like this. Everyone seems to be happily laughing and enjoying this. Is it just not for me?

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■Lda043 (12A-4)

Maybe Kyoko-chan could perhaps be worried about me. I hope so.

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■Lda041 (12A-2)

Today I played online all day again. My online self was surprisingly honest. My handle is LAIN.

However, it seems that at the moment nobody knows that I’m a girl. Whenever I see something interesting, I send a mail so they can tell me more, all my close friends. When I’m here, nobody ever bullies me.

If I look at the monitor all day, my eyes hurt. But even if my eyes get bad, this is good for me.

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■Lda040 (11A-18)

The network is mysterious. When I’m there, nobody can see my face, so I’m not embarrassed. Somehow, I seem to become a different person. There are all sorts of people there, and whenever I worry about there being trouble, there’s kind and gentle people there. When people are nice to me, I can’t help but feel happy.

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